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My big boy is even bigger now...
Ten years ago, I gave birth to Daniel at Kingston General Hospital, at 7:41AM, after a completely unremarkable 6-hour birth. I was attended by three midwives (primary, secondary and student) and observed by a fourth year medical student who had asked for permission to see what midwife-attended births were like. It's a bit ironic to me that although we had expected hospital births to be far more frantic than home births, when we did do a home birth three years later with Justin, it made Daniel's birth seem the epitome of serenity. Probably due to the sheer number of people (including two toddlers) present for the home birth, as well as the rather rushed 3-hour timeline ;)
My mom had driven down from Montreal to see me, and was somewhat disconcerted to get to the hospital around noon and be informed that I had checked out already.
"Are you sure? Didn't she... wasn't she here to have a baby?"
"Oh yes, she had the baby. Then she went home."
Being from the days of Twilight Sleep and week-long maternity ward stays, my mother was thrown for a bit of a loop. And thrown for even more of a loop when she reached our house and I answered the door, holding her five-hour-old grandson :)
The Party
(*** indicates something that was too faint to be caught on tape)
(unknown): You should've used Loblaws.
Jim: OK, here we go.
(Reading from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran)
And a woman who held a baby against her bosom said, "Speak to us of children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
OK. So. Um, my wish for Daniel (he's got his thumb in his mouth) my wish for Daniel is that he um learn to love himself, and that he know that whatever he becomes his parents will always love him.
(unknown): That's sweet.
Pete: I thought everyone had to write theirs. So I did. Not that one. (laugh) So, I did think it all right, so ***. Soon as I got home last night I started, I started typing.
As we have gathered together to share in the joy that the birth of Daniel has given us, we have the confidence that all our many wishes are heard by a loving Creator above, who has made Daniel a part of our lives.
We were all children once. Look in any history book, and see all the people who have been influential enough to have been remembered: rich, poor, good, evil, expansionist, oppressor, marginalised, philanthropists , Grammy winners, discoverers and upholsterers. All were once microscopic.
And so it would be that the union of Chris and Jimena would produce another entry into human affairs. It is that person whose newness we recognize and bear witness to today. For Daniel I have many wishes.
I hope that Daniel grows up in a world where there are many more people like Jim and Chris who are two of the most accepting, tolerant and open-minded people I have ever met.
I hope that these qualities rub off on Daniel, and he shares them with anyone who is fortunate enough to be a part of his life.
I hope that Daniel lives in a world where peace and justice always prevail and where hate is no longer a force that guides so many human actions.
I wish that Daniel can grow up never needing to know that there are so many different diseases, so much hunger in the world, and so much indifference towards the suffering of others.
I hope that Daniel can have the love of many family and friends.
I hope that Daniel can live in a world where beer is cheap, and Big Macs are always 99 cents.
And we don't have to get Pay-Per-View to see the heavyweight championship of the world.
I want the world that Daniel evolves in to accept people who seem different, and to recognize that every single person has something special and important to offer humanity.
I want Daniel to always be safe from harm, and to always feel what life has to offer, for better or for worse: the beauty of a spring morning, the crunching sounds of autumn leaves underfoot, the freshness of a frigid winter day.
I hope Daniel can love music, food and art.
I hope he finds romance and a special person to share all these wonderful things with.
I wish that when Daniel gets to be a ripe old age, he has more fond and special memories, than he has time to recall them.
I hope that Daniel is always doing what he wants to be doing.
Some of these things are a lot to ask from a world that even on a good day has a hard time with just the basics. I know that on this special day, there is a creator somewhere who is hearing all our wishes and hopes for Daniel. I want all of our wishes today to be a part of Daniel's experience in life.
Jim: Thank you. (applause)
Michelle: That's all he gets?
Chris: Now, I'm keeping the pieces small because I really have no idea how much cake there is.
Guy: Oh, that's better.
Jim: OK... who wants to begin?
Kieron: I will.
Jim: OK.
Kieron: My wish for Daniel is rather clear and simple: self-knowledge, a prerequisite for ***.
John: To guarantee happiness, I hope he always remembers to leave the toilet seat down.
(laugh)
(unknown): Good wish!
Julia?: I vote for that.
Guy: ... give him two pieces.
Michelle: I wish that Daniel will realize how lucky he's been so far and that he will grow up and be as generous and as accepting as his parents.
Chris: Who did I miss?
Jim: John and Michelle.
Chris: No no no, there's cake. Oh,there's cake, baby.
Karolyn: I hope that Daniel finds the strength that his parents have, and inner strength.
Karen: I know what John's wish is. John Groves. John wishes that Daniel has the sense of humour that both his parents have... cause he's gonna need it.
Jim: Yeah!
Chris: Slow down!
Cheryl: I hope that Daniel grows up with a good sense of adventure and the self-confidence to pursue all his dreams.
Sharon: My wish for Daniel is that he love Nature and feel the wonder of Nature and have the confidence that his parents have for asking all the questions.
Jim: Where's the cake man?
Kieron: Yoo-hoo, cake man.
Chris: Nah, I told ya to slow down!
(laughter)
(unknown): Poor guy.
(unknown): A-ha!
Alison: I'm gonna lift one of those curses that always gets placed on people when they're growing up 'Just wait till you have kids of your own'. And I wish that Daniel not grow up to fill... fulfill any of those and that he appreciates his parents and everything that they do for him, and that even at his worst he always knows that they love him.
Jim: *** Someday, he'll understand.
(talk)
Billy: I wish that Daniel continues to enjoy his childhood like he is right now and not grow up too fast.
(laugh)
(unknown): Big piece!
(unknown): Anybody else want to have any children?
Julia: I wish for Daniel to love people and knowledge, and in that order.
Guy: Ok, I wish that Daniel first of all health and the strength and that enough to ***
Campbell: I wish that Daniel never loses his wonder at the world and will always appreciate a nice *** and its place along in the street. And in light of it being close to St. Patrick's Day I wish the wind is always at his back.
Jim: We know you're back there.
(talk)
Carol: My wish for Daniel is peace and contentment.
Jim: He's got that right now.
Heather: How about... I wish for Daniel to catch on to breastfeeding.
(laughter)
(unknown): Yeah!
(unknown): We didn't dare to say that.
Julia: Good, Heather, thank you!
Heather: That should start tomorrow.
Vanessa: I wish Daniel learns to live each day to the fullest, and respects every one.
April: My wish for Daniel is that he always has the courage to follow his heart.
Lou: My wish for Daniel is that he always realize that nothing is beyond his reach.
Soo Yee: My wish for Daniel is that ***
Andrea: My wish is that Daniel know the value of an education.
(unknown): Anyone else left?
Jim: That's you, Chris!
Karen: My wish for Daniel is that he always have the strength ***, and have the courage of his convictions, and joy in life.
Chris: I've only heard about half of them, which is why I'm glad we have all of this on tape. I guess in comparison my wish is very boring, but it's been the only wish I've ever had for him since about a year ago, when this whole thing became an idea, and that's that, above all else he's true to himself.
Which, at this stage I always say to him "be your own little guy".
As much cake as has gone out, is still to be eaten, so... free for all!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In attendance: (in order of appearance) Jimena B., Peter C., Michelle E., Chris R., Guy T., Kieron M., John M., Julia N., Karolyn L., Karen H., Cheryl D., Sharon H., Alison Y., Billy N., Campbell P., Carol F., Heather J., Vanessa M., April L., Lou G., Soo Yee W., Andrea S., and of course, Daniel R.
In absentia: John G., Radu O., Mark S.
John's wish was said by Karen, Radu's wish was "I wish for Daniel to be as tall as me, as handsome as me, and as red-headed as me" and Mark's wish was sent bye-mail and tragically lost in the e-mail ether before being recorded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Aftermath
Date: Fri, 21 Mar 1997 06:49:43 -0500 (EST)
From: Jimena Bordes bordes@qucis.queensu.ca
To: list
HI, this is going to be a short update because I have to get back to the baby.
In recent news: had a naming party (sort of like a christening, but not really) for Daniel last week. Lots of people in my little living room, lots of folk I wanted to talk to individually - and didn't really get a chance to do more than wave a vague hello at them.
Daniel is 7 weeks old, getting bigger every day, healthy and more solid than he used to be, making all of his developmental milestones, hurray!
The one thing he's still not doing is breastfeeding. THere is a _very_ long and very depressing story connected to this, involving specialists, weird suck-training techniques, and lots and lots of breastfeeding paraphernalia. I think my aim is to use _every_ Medela Breastfeeding Aid product - that way if my teaching career doesn't pan out I can always become a Medela saleswoman. We even called the Breastfeeding Guru, Dr. Jack Newman from Toronto Sick Kids Hospital, who gave me a lot of good advice that I had already tried. As my mom put it, anyone who maintains that breastfeeding is an easy and natural thing to do must be a man.
The result of all this brouhaha is that I have about 3-5 hours less to spend with Daniel since I'm expressing breastmilk for about that much time every day. Ask any new mother if they have time to waste 3-5 hours a day, and they'll probably tell you they don't. Well, apparently I do because I'm doing it.
So that's why I haven't written or called or gotten out of the house in 7 weeks. Hopefully this will change some day, but it doesn't look hopeful. Gotta go now, I have to feed the baby.
Bye!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 4 Apr 1997 09:54:48 -0500 (EST)
From: Jimena Bordes bordes@qucis.queensu.ca
To: list
Subject: 9 weeks
Quick note to say:
=> Daniel is now (finally!) feeding properly *
=> Daniel has had his first shots and is not an altogether happy little guy
=> Mommy is feeling better (no more Medela products!)
=> Daddy is finishing his second year of Meds school
=> The cats are OK
=> I'll be in Ottawa next week, around Tues-Friday
=> Life is cool
* Thanks, Heather! May all the other good wishes come true too!
My mom had driven down from Montreal to see me, and was somewhat disconcerted to get to the hospital around noon and be informed that I had checked out already.
"Are you sure? Didn't she... wasn't she here to have a baby?"
"Oh yes, she had the baby. Then she went home."
Being from the days of Twilight Sleep and week-long maternity ward stays, my mother was thrown for a bit of a loop. And thrown for even more of a loop when she reached our house and I answered the door, holding her five-hour-old grandson :)
(*** indicates something that was too faint to be caught on tape)
(unknown): You should've used Loblaws.
Jim: OK, here we go.
(Reading from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran)
And a woman who held a baby against her bosom said, "Speak to us of children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
OK. So. Um, my wish for Daniel (he's got his thumb in his mouth) my wish for Daniel is that he um learn to love himself, and that he know that whatever he becomes his parents will always love him.
(unknown): That's sweet.
Pete: I thought everyone had to write theirs. So I did. Not that one. (laugh) So, I did think it all right, so ***. Soon as I got home last night I started, I started typing.
As we have gathered together to share in the joy that the birth of Daniel has given us, we have the confidence that all our many wishes are heard by a loving Creator above, who has made Daniel a part of our lives.
We were all children once. Look in any history book, and see all the people who have been influential enough to have been remembered: rich, poor, good, evil, expansionist, oppressor, marginalised, philanthropists , Grammy winners, discoverers and upholsterers. All were once microscopic.
And so it would be that the union of Chris and Jimena would produce another entry into human affairs. It is that person whose newness we recognize and bear witness to today. For Daniel I have many wishes.
I hope that Daniel grows up in a world where there are many more people like Jim and Chris who are two of the most accepting, tolerant and open-minded people I have ever met.
I hope that these qualities rub off on Daniel, and he shares them with anyone who is fortunate enough to be a part of his life.
I hope that Daniel lives in a world where peace and justice always prevail and where hate is no longer a force that guides so many human actions.
I wish that Daniel can grow up never needing to know that there are so many different diseases, so much hunger in the world, and so much indifference towards the suffering of others.
I hope that Daniel can have the love of many family and friends.
I hope that Daniel can live in a world where beer is cheap, and Big Macs are always 99 cents.
And we don't have to get Pay-Per-View to see the heavyweight championship of the world.
I want the world that Daniel evolves in to accept people who seem different, and to recognize that every single person has something special and important to offer humanity.
I want Daniel to always be safe from harm, and to always feel what life has to offer, for better or for worse: the beauty of a spring morning, the crunching sounds of autumn leaves underfoot, the freshness of a frigid winter day.
I hope Daniel can love music, food and art.
I hope he finds romance and a special person to share all these wonderful things with.
I wish that when Daniel gets to be a ripe old age, he has more fond and special memories, than he has time to recall them.
I hope that Daniel is always doing what he wants to be doing.
Some of these things are a lot to ask from a world that even on a good day has a hard time with just the basics. I know that on this special day, there is a creator somewhere who is hearing all our wishes and hopes for Daniel. I want all of our wishes today to be a part of Daniel's experience in life.
Jim: Thank you. (applause)
Michelle: That's all he gets?
Chris: Now, I'm keeping the pieces small because I really have no idea how much cake there is.
Guy: Oh, that's better.
Jim: OK... who wants to begin?
Kieron: I will.
Jim: OK.
Kieron: My wish for Daniel is rather clear and simple: self-knowledge, a prerequisite for ***.
John: To guarantee happiness, I hope he always remembers to leave the toilet seat down.
(laugh)
(unknown): Good wish!
Julia?: I vote for that.
Guy: ... give him two pieces.
Michelle: I wish that Daniel will realize how lucky he's been so far and that he will grow up and be as generous and as accepting as his parents.
Chris: Who did I miss?
Jim: John and Michelle.
Chris: No no no, there's cake. Oh,there's cake, baby.
Karolyn: I hope that Daniel finds the strength that his parents have, and inner strength.
Karen: I know what John's wish is. John Groves. John wishes that Daniel has the sense of humour that both his parents have... cause he's gonna need it.
Jim: Yeah!
Chris: Slow down!
Cheryl: I hope that Daniel grows up with a good sense of adventure and the self-confidence to pursue all his dreams.
Sharon: My wish for Daniel is that he love Nature and feel the wonder of Nature and have the confidence that his parents have for asking all the questions.
Jim: Where's the cake man?
Kieron: Yoo-hoo, cake man.
Chris: Nah, I told ya to slow down!
(laughter)
(unknown): Poor guy.
(unknown): A-ha!
Alison: I'm gonna lift one of those curses that always gets placed on people when they're growing up 'Just wait till you have kids of your own'. And I wish that Daniel not grow up to fill... fulfill any of those and that he appreciates his parents and everything that they do for him, and that even at his worst he always knows that they love him.
Jim: *** Someday, he'll understand.
(talk)
Billy: I wish that Daniel continues to enjoy his childhood like he is right now and not grow up too fast.
(laugh)
(unknown): Big piece!
(unknown): Anybody else want to have any children?
Julia: I wish for Daniel to love people and knowledge, and in that order.
Guy: Ok, I wish that Daniel first of all health and the strength and that enough to ***
Campbell: I wish that Daniel never loses his wonder at the world and will always appreciate a nice *** and its place along in the street. And in light of it being close to St. Patrick's Day I wish the wind is always at his back.
Jim: We know you're back there.
(talk)
Carol: My wish for Daniel is peace and contentment.
Jim: He's got that right now.
Heather: How about... I wish for Daniel to catch on to breastfeeding.
(laughter)
(unknown): Yeah!
(unknown): We didn't dare to say that.
Julia: Good, Heather, thank you!
Heather: That should start tomorrow.
Vanessa: I wish Daniel learns to live each day to the fullest, and respects every one.
April: My wish for Daniel is that he always has the courage to follow his heart.
Lou: My wish for Daniel is that he always realize that nothing is beyond his reach.
Soo Yee: My wish for Daniel is that ***
Andrea: My wish is that Daniel know the value of an education.
(unknown): Anyone else left?
Jim: That's you, Chris!
Karen: My wish for Daniel is that he always have the strength ***, and have the courage of his convictions, and joy in life.
Chris: I've only heard about half of them, which is why I'm glad we have all of this on tape. I guess in comparison my wish is very boring, but it's been the only wish I've ever had for him since about a year ago, when this whole thing became an idea, and that's that, above all else he's true to himself.
Which, at this stage I always say to him "be your own little guy".
As much cake as has gone out, is still to be eaten, so... free for all!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In attendance: (in order of appearance) Jimena B., Peter C., Michelle E., Chris R., Guy T., Kieron M., John M., Julia N., Karolyn L., Karen H., Cheryl D., Sharon H., Alison Y., Billy N., Campbell P., Carol F., Heather J., Vanessa M., April L., Lou G., Soo Yee W., Andrea S., and of course, Daniel R.
In absentia: John G., Radu O., Mark S.
John's wish was said by Karen, Radu's wish was "I wish for Daniel to be as tall as me, as handsome as me, and as red-headed as me" and Mark's wish was sent bye-mail and tragically lost in the e-mail ether before being recorded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 21 Mar 1997 06:49:43 -0500 (EST)
From: Jimena Bordes bordes@qucis.queensu.ca
To: list
HI, this is going to be a short update because I have to get back to the baby.
In recent news: had a naming party (sort of like a christening, but not really) for Daniel last week. Lots of people in my little living room, lots of folk I wanted to talk to individually - and didn't really get a chance to do more than wave a vague hello at them.
Daniel is 7 weeks old, getting bigger every day, healthy and more solid than he used to be, making all of his developmental milestones, hurray!
The one thing he's still not doing is breastfeeding. THere is a _very_ long and very depressing story connected to this, involving specialists, weird suck-training techniques, and lots and lots of breastfeeding paraphernalia. I think my aim is to use _every_ Medela Breastfeeding Aid product - that way if my teaching career doesn't pan out I can always become a Medela saleswoman. We even called the Breastfeeding Guru, Dr. Jack Newman from Toronto Sick Kids Hospital, who gave me a lot of good advice that I had already tried. As my mom put it, anyone who maintains that breastfeeding is an easy and natural thing to do must be a man.
The result of all this brouhaha is that I have about 3-5 hours less to spend with Daniel since I'm expressing breastmilk for about that much time every day. Ask any new mother if they have time to waste 3-5 hours a day, and they'll probably tell you they don't. Well, apparently I do because I'm doing it.
So that's why I haven't written or called or gotten out of the house in 7 weeks. Hopefully this will change some day, but it doesn't look hopeful. Gotta go now, I have to feed the baby.
Bye!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 4 Apr 1997 09:54:48 -0500 (EST)
From: Jimena Bordes bordes@qucis.queensu.ca
To: list
Subject: 9 weeks
Quick note to say:
=> Daniel is now (finally!) feeding properly *
=> Daniel has had his first shots and is not an altogether happy little guy
=> Mommy is feeling better (no more Medela products!)
=> Daddy is finishing his second year of Meds school
=> The cats are OK
=> I'll be in Ottawa next week, around Tues-Friday
=> Life is cool
* Thanks, Heather! May all the other good wishes come true too!