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Second chances :)
A while back, I wrote about a missed opportunity when some guy called us from Microsoft to let us know we had a virus. I'd hung up on him, saying, "Nice try, but we only have Macs," and then wished I hadn't, because damn, it would've been funny to see how long I could keep him on the line trying to "help" me.
By the way, it's a scam that's been running for a long, long time: phone scam India call centres.
I got called again this morning! I won't try to duplicate the guy's heavy Indian accent, but the conversation went something like this:
Scammer: Hello ma'am, I'm calling from the service centre for Microsoft. We are getting a signal from your computer that your computer is not safe.
Me: Oh no! From my computer?
Scammer: Yes ma'am.
(exchange where I tell him I'm going to turn on my computer and he explains why I need his help)
Me: OK, I've got it open.
Scammer: I want you to find your control key.
Me: My control key?
Scammer: Yes ma'am. Next to your control key--
Me: I don't have a control key.
Scammer: Your control key?
Me: I have... does my computer need keys?
Scammer: What?
Me: Do you mean... like, a key for a door? Do I need a key for my computer?
Scammer: No. You have a key--
Me: But I don't have any keys. I just open it, I don't have a key.
(this went on for a while until he finally got through that he meant a key on the keyboard, and that I needed to find a key called "control")
Scammer: All right, ma'am, what is next to that key?
Me: Um... I have a Z. And an X, C, V, B--
Scammer: No, no I mean next to your control key. Look for the [four-square flag].
(I actually have no idea what he was trying to say there; it sounded like four-square flag, but I never did figure it out)
Me: A flag? I don't have flags on my keyboard.
Scammer: No, it's a key.
Me: Next to the control key?
Scammer: Yes.
Me: I have a key called Fn.
Scammer: Next to that one.
Me: I don't have anything next to that.
Scammer: Nothing?
Me: I have a shift key above it, though. And a caps lock, and tab.
(...and then he figured it out)
Scammer: Why you are doing this, ma'am?
Me: What?
Scammer: I am trying to help you. Why you are saying these things?
Me: Are you calling from Microsoft?
Scammer: I am trying to protect your computer from problems. Why you are - why I am your entertainment?
Me: Are you calling from Microsoft?
Scammer: I am trying to--
Me: Because I don't have any Microsoft products in my home. All we have are Apple computers.
Scammer: ...
Me: So I'm interested in how Microsoft is getting error messages from my computer.
Scammer: I am calling to help--
Me: I have only Macs in this house. And we've had calls from you people before, and I would really like to not have another one. Thank you!
Justin was nearly peeing himself laughing by this point, so I hung up.
I would've felt bad for the guy, but you know what? You called me, buddy. And your scam targets people who are very, very dumb. So: you want dumb? I shall deliver! With a vengeance!
By the way, it's a scam that's been running for a long, long time: phone scam India call centres.
I got called again this morning! I won't try to duplicate the guy's heavy Indian accent, but the conversation went something like this:
Scammer: Hello ma'am, I'm calling from the service centre for Microsoft. We are getting a signal from your computer that your computer is not safe.
Me: Oh no! From my computer?
Scammer: Yes ma'am.
(exchange where I tell him I'm going to turn on my computer and he explains why I need his help)
Me: OK, I've got it open.
Scammer: I want you to find your control key.
Me: My control key?
Scammer: Yes ma'am. Next to your control key--
Me: I don't have a control key.
Scammer: Your control key?
Me: I have... does my computer need keys?
Scammer: What?
Me: Do you mean... like, a key for a door? Do I need a key for my computer?
Scammer: No. You have a key--
Me: But I don't have any keys. I just open it, I don't have a key.
(this went on for a while until he finally got through that he meant a key on the keyboard, and that I needed to find a key called "control")
Scammer: All right, ma'am, what is next to that key?
Me: Um... I have a Z. And an X, C, V, B--
Scammer: No, no I mean next to your control key. Look for the [four-square flag].
(I actually have no idea what he was trying to say there; it sounded like four-square flag, but I never did figure it out)
Me: A flag? I don't have flags on my keyboard.
Scammer: No, it's a key.
Me: Next to the control key?
Scammer: Yes.
Me: I have a key called Fn.
Scammer: Next to that one.
Me: I don't have anything next to that.
Scammer: Nothing?
Me: I have a shift key above it, though. And a caps lock, and tab.
(...and then he figured it out)
Scammer: Why you are doing this, ma'am?
Me: What?
Scammer: I am trying to help you. Why you are saying these things?
Me: Are you calling from Microsoft?
Scammer: I am trying to protect your computer from problems. Why you are - why I am your entertainment?
Me: Are you calling from Microsoft?
Scammer: I am trying to--
Me: Because I don't have any Microsoft products in my home. All we have are Apple computers.
Scammer: ...
Me: So I'm interested in how Microsoft is getting error messages from my computer.
Scammer: I am calling to help--
Me: I have only Macs in this house. And we've had calls from you people before, and I would really like to not have another one. Thank you!
Justin was nearly peeing himself laughing by this point, so I hung up.
I would've felt bad for the guy, but you know what? You called me, buddy. And your scam targets people who are very, very dumb. So: you want dumb? I shall deliver! With a vengeance!
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I love how he's all outraged at your being mean to him.
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http://staff.camas.wednet.edu/blogs/help/files/2011/03/windows_key.jpg
Glad you got your snark in before Christmas!
I think these guys are paid per call or something, so the longer they have to talk to someone pointless, the less money they make, so it makes them mad. I like to hand the phone to my three-year old, who loves to talk incoherently on the phone.
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