ciroccoj | update

First time I've been able to update in a few days. It's been a rather busy and trying time.

I can't write about Saturday night, not until after the funeral and after things have settled down a little. I'll want to process it at some point, because now it's just a confusing mix of images and emotions: all of us gathering around my mother, waiting for the doctor, greeting the doctor, being there while she died, calling people to let them know, then saying goodbye to her when the funeral home people came to get her. The good and the bad and the infuriating and the heartbreaking are all blurred together.

The next few days are also somewhat of a blur, what with seeing the funeral home people, starting to plan the funeral, saying goodbye to my cousin Ingrid, and generally being unable to stop long enough to process everything. A disorienting mixture of the surreal and the mundane.

For now, all I can do is keep trundling on the funeral-planning route. And hope that once it's over, we can settle a bit and get on with coping with my mother's absence.

Thank you all, sincerely, for all of your expressions of love and support over the last few days - actually, over the last several months. It has helped, a great deal. I'll be able to respond to people individually over the weekend, I hope, but for now please accept my thanks to you all.

Today: