It feels like lately I do nothing but gush about how incredibly amazing my kids are. I dunno if they're both at particularly good stages, or I'm at a particularly good stage, or I'm not home enough to be annoyed by them, or what. Whatever the cause, I'm not complaining!
Not everything is sunshine and roses, though. Below are some updates from school, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and the last bit is... ugly :(
- The Good
- Report cards happened, and there was much joy in the land. Gushing praise and very high grades for Daniel from his teachers, sincere affection and praise and good grades for Justin - other than for things which required spelling and/or fine motor skills. A totally awesome B in French, a subject I'd finally had to abandon with him because in three years I had not even been able to get him to remember that "porte" meant "door."
- Daniel got his report card before Justin, and Chris and I just sort of glanced at it and said, "Well done!" and left it at that. Later, while Justin was busy doing something else, I pulled Daniel aside and said something like, "I hope you don't think Daddy and I don't care about your grades, because we do. We're incredibly proud of you. The only reason we're not making a fuss is that Justin doesn't have his report card yet, and we don't know how well he's done. We don't want him to feel bad if we're gushing all over the place for you, and then tomorrow he thinks we're not as proud of him in case he gets lower marks. Or if we gush and he thinks it's not genuine, because his marks aren't as high as yours."
"Oh, OK, sounds good," he said. "I don't mind."
Gave him a big hug. Told him he was MADE of AWESOME. And although I was proud of his marks, his Big Brotherness made me even prouder.
- Daniel has started a D & D group at his school, with him as DM. It appears to be going well, so far.
- Justin went to a Valentine's dance at his school last week, because a girl asked him to.
No, puberty has nothing to do with it. She's in grade three, and she was being bullied at the beginning of school. Justin stepped in and asked the kids who were being mean to her why they were behaving the way they were, they said she was stupid and had no friends anyway.
"I'm her friend," he said, which was great for her, because for the next little while she had a friend, who was huge, protecting her from the bullies, and she ended up making other friends in her grade. Wasn't great for Justin, as the bullies next turned on him. More on that later :(
- Justin's having fun and doing great at the learning part of school. A lot of the subject material is stuff he had already learned, but he's not bored. He's taking the opportunity to practice reading, hand writing, and spelling. "Wish I had a lot more like him," says his teacher.
The Bad
Daniel got a bloody nose and split lip. Kid tried to shove him off a snow hill, then punched him, then ran away. Both kids were brought in to the principal's office, the other kid apologized and was suspended for a day, calls to both sets of parents, We Take This Seriously made clear to all parties concerned. Daniel took it in stride - one thing you learn at TKD is how to take a hit without much trauma - and was in no way blamed for what happened. IMHO the school did exactly what they should.
It's not a major event. Boys will be boys Kids will be kids.
Can't help noticing, though, that he never had to deal with a bloody nose and split lip while he was home schooled :/
The Ugly
Justin's social situation is... not so good. He has a few friends in lower grades, and some friendly acquaintances but no real friends in his class. And a group of about six or seven kids actively bully him. Nothing physical (they're not stupid; Justin could probably snap them like toothpicks) but lots and lots of really crappy emotional stuff.
I've compiled a list of what we apparently neglected to teach him, in four years at home, that these kids are graciously letting him in on:
- "Weird" and "different" are bad words.
- So is "gay".
- "Fag" means "gay," except more focused; you can be gay and just be lame and stupid, but fag means you are a homosexual, and therefore gross and icky.
- Playing with kids from other grades is just totally weird.
- Who but an loser actually wants to listen to teachers?
- Loudness is only OK if you're popular.
- Four-letter words are our friends. Unless you're a loser.
- "Fat", "ugly," "stupid," and "four-eyed" refers to him.
We have talked to his teachers, who are aware of what's going on and are doing what they can. Unfortunately, what they can do is somewhat limited. There are only so many times they can talk to the class - and to the particular individuals responsible for this - about bullying, and if there is no one really serious incident, there's not much else they can do.
In the meantime, Justin has been getting more frequent and severe headaches and migraines than ever before. No, there's no direct link; Justin has had bad headaches and migraines since he was very little, and they have about a dozen triggers: hunger, fatigue, too much excitement, crying, tension, the sun coming up... you name it. But they have increased noticeably since he's been at school.
No, this is not acceptable.
Nothing against the school, they're doing their best, but their best isn't good enough. Justin will not be finishing the year at that school. I realize many people would say that he just needs to grow a thicker skin, or that if we pull him out we're just teaching him that it's OK to be a quitter, or that he'll learn that the way to deal with bullies is to run away from them, or whatever. Personally I think that dealing with this kind of crap for eight months is probably enough thick-skin-growing. He doesn't let them make him cry, or stop acting interested in learning, or stop playing with the littler kids. He doesn't let them stop him from having fun at school. He doesn't give them any satisfaction whatsoever. But he has done his best in a miserable environment, and enough is enough.
...aand it's hard to type this up without getting angry and upset, so I'll leave it there.
Damn, this started out as a mostly positive post. Oops. Let's see if I can leave on a high note...
I know!
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