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Chris writes: "This Friday marks 16 years of wedded..bliss...or drunken stupor, I'm not sure. As my lovely wife says 'Oh my god, has it been 16 years?' Humour keeps us together, which is to say we love to mock and laugh at each other."
But perhaps we need new glasses
Mar. 25th, 2012 01:19 amChris, reading our grocery list: We don't need beef stock. Nor do we need menopause. ::pause:: ::squint:: Mayonnaise.
Fighting like cats and cats
Mar. 1st, 2012 10:47 pmChris: (explaining the relationship between our cats, Jehovah the elderly female, and Apollo the male kitten) Unfortunately, it's a sort of love-hate relationship. He loves her, and she hates him.
Kids' D & D
Jan. 14th, 2012 06:32 pmChris: (to adventurers) You enter a room filled with ancient tomes and dusty scrolls.
Player 1: Cool! I pick up the closest book and start to look for spells.
Player 2: Me too!
Chris: As you start to read, you begin to feel... stupider.
Player 2: What?
Chris: It is a Vacuous Grimoire.
Player 1: Cool! I pick up the closest book and start to look for spells.
Player 2: Me too!
Chris: As you start to read, you begin to feel... stupider.
Player 2: What?
Chris: It is a Vacuous Grimoire.
Inside joke
Oct. 20th, 2011 10:14 pmBoys: ::yelling and stomping around upstairs::
Chris: Guys! Are you getting ready for bed?
Boys: Um... now we are...
Chris: Settle down and get ready for bed!
Me: And this is your last warning!
Chris: You start fooling around again, and I'm gonna go upstairs and kick your ass! ::pause:: Just like Santa!
Chris: Guys! Are you getting ready for bed?
Boys: Um... now we are...
Chris: Settle down and get ready for bed!
Me: And this is your last warning!
Chris: You start fooling around again, and I'm gonna go upstairs and kick your ass! ::pause:: Just like Santa!
Not a morning person
Sep. 9th, 2011 10:24 amI go wake up Chris this morning:
Chris: ::mumbling::The semi-intelligent potatoes can be mind controlled.
Me: ?
Chris: But then it's hard to get them off the mountaintop.
Me: I see.
Chris: No, it didn't make sense in the dream either.
Chris: ::mumbling::The semi-intelligent potatoes can be mind controlled.
Me: ?
Chris: But then it's hard to get them off the mountaintop.
Me: I see.
Chris: No, it didn't make sense in the dream either.
Quotable Chris
Sep. 8th, 2011 07:35 amMe: You know when you just barely stop yourself from saying something really obnoxious?
Chris: Yeah, yeah -actually, no. I don't. I have no idea what that's like. So please, do continue this story, it's quite fascinating.
Chris: Yeah, yeah -actually, no. I don't. I have no idea what that's like. So please, do continue this story, it's quite fascinating.
Reason #457 why Chris should never ever quit his job as a shrink and go into writing Hallmark cards. Because that, above? Is his idea of romance.
::sigh::
Oh yeah and also:
Chris: So I'm looking at you, and I think, This is not the woman I married. I mean, you're like, what, thirty years older now or something?
Me: ::throws something at him, because I am in fact only fifteen years older::
Chris: No, hang on, so I'm sitting there, looking at your wrinkles and grey hair, and--
Me: ::throws something else::
Chris: And I think to myself, you're so beautiful.
Me: ...1
Don't seem to have any of my own words to talk about these days. Here's a bit from last night, at the Barenaked Ladies part of the Canada Day festivities:
Ed: They told us we couldn't say anything controversial, but I'm gonna have to say this: I must admit, I am very disappointed in Canada's performance at World Cup Soccer.2
And, a review of Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I have not seen and know nothing about other than (1) it is not doing well and (2) was directed by the same guy who directed The Sixth Sense:
But the point is - how is it possible for one man, be he never so misguided, to go from Sixth Sense to Battlefield: Earth without actually having sustained some sort of organic brain damage? Is it really possible to squander brilliance that entirely? That's kind of a depressing thought. It's like finding out that Rembrandt spent his last years painting Thomas Kinkade knockoffs on cheap china for The Bradford Exchange.
1 ...OK that one was kinda saved at the end ;)
2 For non-Canadians: we weren't in it.
::sigh::
Oh yeah and also:
Chris: So I'm looking at you, and I think, This is not the woman I married. I mean, you're like, what, thirty years older now or something?
Me: ::throws something at him, because I am in fact only fifteen years older::
Chris: No, hang on, so I'm sitting there, looking at your wrinkles and grey hair, and--
Me: ::throws something else::
Chris: And I think to myself, you're so beautiful.
Me: ...1
Don't seem to have any of my own words to talk about these days. Here's a bit from last night, at the Barenaked Ladies part of the Canada Day festivities:
Ed: They told us we couldn't say anything controversial, but I'm gonna have to say this: I must admit, I am very disappointed in Canada's performance at World Cup Soccer.2
And, a review of Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I have not seen and know nothing about other than (1) it is not doing well and (2) was directed by the same guy who directed The Sixth Sense:
But the point is - how is it possible for one man, be he never so misguided, to go from Sixth Sense to Battlefield: Earth without actually having sustained some sort of organic brain damage? Is it really possible to squander brilliance that entirely? That's kind of a depressing thought. It's like finding out that Rembrandt spent his last years painting Thomas Kinkade knockoffs on cheap china for The Bradford Exchange.
1 ...OK that one was kinda saved at the end ;)
2 For non-Canadians: we weren't in it.
Why is Masculism not a word?
Jun. 7th, 2010 12:06 amFour and a half hours of tournament training for me and the boys, three and half for Chris, as he split his Manly Pathetic Booboo open during the morning session's sparring training and decided to skip out on the afternoon's sparring practice. Then Lone Star with friends we don't see nearly often enough. A great day, all in all, despite the soreness.
Re. Chris' Manly Pathetic Booboo: so we're camping for four days last week, and on the second night, Chris is splitting logs for our campfire. Suddenly curses and has to go get himself a band-aid, as he's kinda... chopped himself. Not horribly, but certainly painfully. And dumbly. Goes back to chopping, and somewhere in there gives himself another mild cut, which I do not find out about till later. I only notice the third cut. The one that gets him yelling out a few curse words, holding his hand as it spurts blood mesmerisingly rhythmically, and saying, relatively calmly, "We need to go to the hospital."
We love our GPS. It finds Perth Hospital, a mere twenty minutes away from the campsite. Get there in pretty good time, the bleeding has turned to mere seeping so it's most probably not a major artery, he's triaged as Not Serious, we wait around for about an hour at Emerg, they finally get him in, confirm there's no tendon damage, give him a tetanus shot, glue his hand, bandage him, we go to McDonald's for dinner, back to the campsite, the whole thing takes three hours.
It takes somewhat longer for Chris to stop being mocked over it. In fact, we're not done with the mocking yet. Won't be, for a while. The man nearly chopped his own hand off. By chopping unsafely, in a way he knew was unsafe because he was a Scout and because he had already almost chopped his hand off twice doing the same damn thing.
Mind you, most of the mockery's coming from Chris himself. He pointed out that if he didn't go into the details of how the injury happened, it sounded very macho and admirable to get injured while chopping wood for his family. All caveman male providing for his female and young-like.
"And I told that to the nurses at Emerg and - once they were done laughing at me - they found it very manly," he told me.
The next morning I was getting water for our site and forgot to bring the basin, and he started to mock me as I came back, then said, "Although, you know, considering that your little lapse didn't end with us having to race to Emerg and spend three hours there, I got nothing on you, do I?"
And he's mine, all mine. No matter how often I try to give him away. ::sigh::
Re. Chris' Manly Pathetic Booboo: so we're camping for four days last week, and on the second night, Chris is splitting logs for our campfire. Suddenly curses and has to go get himself a band-aid, as he's kinda... chopped himself. Not horribly, but certainly painfully. And dumbly. Goes back to chopping, and somewhere in there gives himself another mild cut, which I do not find out about till later. I only notice the third cut. The one that gets him yelling out a few curse words, holding his hand as it spurts blood mesmerisingly rhythmically, and saying, relatively calmly, "We need to go to the hospital."
We love our GPS. It finds Perth Hospital, a mere twenty minutes away from the campsite. Get there in pretty good time, the bleeding has turned to mere seeping so it's most probably not a major artery, he's triaged as Not Serious, we wait around for about an hour at Emerg, they finally get him in, confirm there's no tendon damage, give him a tetanus shot, glue his hand, bandage him, we go to McDonald's for dinner, back to the campsite, the whole thing takes three hours.
It takes somewhat longer for Chris to stop being mocked over it. In fact, we're not done with the mocking yet. Won't be, for a while. The man nearly chopped his own hand off. By chopping unsafely, in a way he knew was unsafe because he was a Scout and because he had already almost chopped his hand off twice doing the same damn thing.
Mind you, most of the mockery's coming from Chris himself. He pointed out that if he didn't go into the details of how the injury happened, it sounded very macho and admirable to get injured while chopping wood for his family. All caveman male providing for his female and young-like.
"And I told that to the nurses at Emerg and - once they were done laughing at me - they found it very manly," he told me.
The next morning I was getting water for our site and forgot to bring the basin, and he started to mock me as I came back, then said, "Although, you know, considering that your little lapse didn't end with us having to race to Emerg and spend three hours there, I got nothing on you, do I?"
And he's mine, all mine. No matter how often I try to give him away. ::sigh::
Don't ask him how many candles
May. 15th, 2010 09:45 pmChris: ::frowning at our wall calendar:: Why is there a big birthday cake and an exclamation mark for this Friday?
Me: ::speaking very slowly:: Because that's your birthday, honey.
Me: ::speaking very slowly:: Because that's your birthday, honey.
Quotable Chris
Mar. 22nd, 2010 03:19 pmWe're watching Planet Earth. They're showing how wildlife reserves are useful, but not always a cure-all in terms of preservation, because some larger animals need a lot of ground to feed. So, for example, even though you set aside reserves for elephants and wildebeest and wild sheep, they will still migrate for water during the year, going through non-reserve areas.
Me: ::watching the herds go through pasture land:: Yeah, see, the problem is that most animals can't read maps.
Chris: Not very well, no. And only the elephants can remember them.
Me: ::watching the herds go through pasture land:: Yeah, see, the problem is that most animals can't read maps.
Chris: Not very well, no. And only the elephants can remember them.
Chris: Why did you cut up that red pepper?
Me: Oh it was part of a veggie wrap. Also, it's a superfood.
Chris: ::rolls eyes::
Me: Yeah, I know. Everything is a superfood these days.
Chris: Everything vegetable, anyway.
Me: The other day it was celery.
Chris: Celery? All celery's got is fibre and water.
Me: No, it's got something else, too. Something good for your... brain? I think?
Chris: Yeah, fibre and water. Helps keep you from getting constipated, so you're not constantly thinking about your bowels, so you can think about other stuff.
Me: No, really. Some kind of flavo-oxy-glyco-3-omega something.
Chris: Otherwise known as fibre.
Me: No, really. You know, those long chemical names that are good for whatever. Anti-oxidants and stuff?
Chris: Maybe you should go eat some celery. Your brain doesn't seem to be working right.
Me: Yeah, it's starting to tell me to eat more celery.
Me: Oh it was part of a veggie wrap. Also, it's a superfood.
Chris: ::rolls eyes::
Me: Yeah, I know. Everything is a superfood these days.
Chris: Everything vegetable, anyway.
Me: The other day it was celery.
Chris: Celery? All celery's got is fibre and water.
Me: No, it's got something else, too. Something good for your... brain? I think?
Chris: Yeah, fibre and water. Helps keep you from getting constipated, so you're not constantly thinking about your bowels, so you can think about other stuff.
Me: No, really. Some kind of flavo-oxy-glyco-3-omega something.
Chris: Otherwise known as fibre.
Me: No, really. You know, those long chemical names that are good for whatever. Anti-oxidants and stuff?
Chris: Maybe you should go eat some celery. Your brain doesn't seem to be working right.
Me: Yeah, it's starting to tell me to eat more celery.
Me: ::blissfully listening to my choir's recording of Pie Jesu::
Chris: Hey, it's Jesus Pie!
Me: ::makes an indignant sound::
Chris: What? It's not wrong!
Me: It is very wrong!
Chris: What? Why? "This is the blood of Christ... this is the body of Christ..."
Me: ::pause:: "...this is the pastry of Christ..."
Chris: Oh yeah, we're going straight to hell.
Chris: Hey, it's Jesus Pie!
Me: ::makes an indignant sound::
Chris: What? It's not wrong!
Me: It is very wrong!
Chris: What? Why? "This is the blood of Christ... this is the body of Christ..."
Me: ::pause:: "...this is the pastry of Christ..."
Chris: Oh yeah, we're going straight to hell.
Quotable Chris
Nov. 7th, 2009 08:28 am"So I'm downstairs doing the cat's litter, filling her water bowl, topping up her food, around the same time as I figured out later that you were upstairs putting the leftover fish into the fridge. So she comes downstairs and looks at me, looks at her dish, and looks at me again like she's saying, 'This is wonderful. Thank you so much. You are my master, and you have cleaned out my litter and given me fresh food and water and that's all great, I'm so happy and I'm so grateful to you. ::pause:: The mistress, however? I have no respect for her at all.'"
Metaphor mangling
Oct. 23rd, 2009 11:02 pmChris and I are talking about how interesting it is that many of the anti-Arab/Muslim sentiments we hear and read are from people claiming to be anti-Muslim because of negative Muslim attitudes towards women or gays. Which is interesting, because although women and gays have legitimate reasons to be a little nervous about certain fundamentalist Muslim tenets, many of the folks who now claim great concern for women and gays never gave a rat's ass about them before. But hey, why be picky about which arguments you're going to use to denigrate a group you hate?
"Yeah, you know, any port in a storm," says Chris.
"And politics makes for strange bedfellows," I say.
"And really, it's any port in a strange bedfellow during a storm," he concludes.
"Yeah, you know, any port in a storm," says Chris.
"And politics makes for strange bedfellows," I say.
"And really, it's any port in a strange bedfellow during a storm," he concludes.
Parenting skillz
Jul. 30th, 2009 09:15 amChris: ::says something dumb::
Me: Boys, tell Daddy to stop talking.
Justin: Stop talking, Daddy.
Chris: Boys, tell Mama to stop using the children as intermediaries.
Boys: ...
Me: Boys, tell Daddy to stop talking.
Justin: Stop talking, Daddy.
Chris: Boys, tell Mama to stop using the children as intermediaries.
Boys: ...
Overheard from the kitchen
Jul. 9th, 2009 10:20 pmJustin: ::reading in the dining room:: Daddy, what does "voluptuous" mean?
Chris: Goes into an explanation of different societal standards of feminine beauty, and how in our society, women who are thin are considered more attractive but in some societies heavier women are preferred, especially if they're curvy and have a lot of their body mass concentrated around their hips, breasts, bums. Partway through this description I have to go rooting through our kitchen cupboards for arrowroot, so I miss some of it and emerge from the cupboard to hear Chris saying, "Would you agree with that, love?"
Me: With what?
Chris: I told Justin that if Mama put on about twenty more pounds in the right places, she could be considered "voluptuous."
Me: Oh my god you just scored some major husband points! ::kiss::
Chris: Goes into an explanation of different societal standards of feminine beauty, and how in our society, women who are thin are considered more attractive but in some societies heavier women are preferred, especially if they're curvy and have a lot of their body mass concentrated around their hips, breasts, bums. Partway through this description I have to go rooting through our kitchen cupboards for arrowroot, so I miss some of it and emerge from the cupboard to hear Chris saying, "Would you agree with that, love?"
Me: With what?
Chris: I told Justin that if Mama put on about twenty more pounds in the right places, she could be considered "voluptuous."
Me: Oh my god you just scored some major husband points! ::kiss::
Speaking words of wisdom
Jun. 4th, 2009 10:56 pmLast TKD class before the tournament. I go up to do my pattern in front of the class, and I keep in mind what one black belt, Mrs. M, said to me: When doing your pattern, rather than thinking to yourself "What's my stance/where do my hands go/don't forget to drop/pivot sharply/force at the end," just imagine you're doing it with an opponent. If you do that, the stance and the pivot and the force and all of it will just fall into place.
Did the pattern. Was pleased with myself. Went to sit back down.
Chris leans over. "You know how Mrs. M told you to imagine you're doing your pattern with an opponent?"
"Yeah..."
"OK. Now. Try to imagine that your opponent? Is trying to kill you. And you're going to kill her first."
Did the pattern. Was pleased with myself. Went to sit back down.
Chris leans over. "You know how Mrs. M told you to imagine you're doing your pattern with an opponent?"
"Yeah..."
"OK. Now. Try to imagine that your opponent? Is trying to kill you. And you're going to kill her first."
Boy-free day
May. 16th, 2009 04:51 pmIt's the CanGames weekend, so Chris is MIA and I've got the house all to myself all of Saturday, as Daniel and Justin are also attending for the kids' games. It's been great, even though mostly I've just puttered and geeked, but I'm kind of almost missing the boys right now.
Oh, exchange from yesterday:
Chris, leaving for gaming weekend: Ooh, and I get to use the Special Entrance Line now. I'm a Dungeon Master, see, so I get a Special Line.
Me: Wow, your Nerd Cred is just... wow.
Chris: Oh honey, you do understand me! I love you so much!
Oh, exchange from yesterday:
Chris, leaving for gaming weekend: Ooh, and I get to use the Special Entrance Line now. I'm a Dungeon Master, see, so I get a Special Line.
Me: Wow, your Nerd Cred is just... wow.
Chris: Oh honey, you do understand me! I love you so much!
Geeks 'R' Us
Nov. 22nd, 2008 12:42 pmMe: Did you hear Obama's pick for Secretary of State?
Chris: Clinton, yeah! Wow.
Me: Yeah. Wow.
Chris: Still think he should've picked her as his running mate, though.
Me: No, there's too many people who still really, really hate her.
Chris: I guess so.
Me: Still, Secretary of State. That's not bad.
Chris: High profile.
Me: Yeah. And the Secretary of State is often, like, it, overseas.
Chris: Yeah?
Me: I mean, look at Powell and Rice. They were the face of America for Iraq. Speaking for the President.
Chris: ::nods:: The Mouth of Sauron.
Chris: (talking about our kids' D&D group) Daniel's doing really well. He's learning a lot of leadership skills too.
Me: Yeah?
Chris: I mean, granted, he's doing it as a female elf wizard, but still, there's a lot he can take from the experience to use in real life.
Me: "I didn't spend all those years playing D&D without learning a little bit about leadership"?
Chris: ::beams:: Oh honey! You do understand!
Chris: Clinton, yeah! Wow.
Me: Yeah. Wow.
Chris: Still think he should've picked her as his running mate, though.
Me: No, there's too many people who still really, really hate her.
Chris: I guess so.
Me: Still, Secretary of State. That's not bad.
Chris: High profile.
Me: Yeah. And the Secretary of State is often, like, it, overseas.
Chris: Yeah?
Me: I mean, look at Powell and Rice. They were the face of America for Iraq. Speaking for the President.
Chris: ::nods:: The Mouth of Sauron.
Chris: (talking about our kids' D&D group) Daniel's doing really well. He's learning a lot of leadership skills too.
Me: Yeah?
Chris: I mean, granted, he's doing it as a female elf wizard, but still, there's a lot he can take from the experience to use in real life.
Me: "I didn't spend all those years playing D&D without learning a little bit about leadership"?
Chris: ::beams:: Oh honey! You do understand!
