Warning: Big Long Ranty Thing Approaching. Not aimed at Ninja Cat, but triggered by her, lol
Can we not do anything in moderation?! As someone in North America, I guess I don't get this. Why must it be assumed that our choices are 'total parenting' or 'total self-hood'? I'm just baffled and frustrated. Maybe the writers of these books are just hanging out with the wrong crowd. I've found lots of support for being a parent. None of the people at my playgroups have ever judged parents for having a part-time job/not having a part-time job or hobby or whatever.
I'm feeling very fed up with the 'uber parenting' culture. Parenting is vital and sacred and a lot of work. But it does NOT involve overscheduling your kids or living through them vicariously. It involves careful thought about how much structure they need, the boundaries they need, and the free playtime they need.
Those first 5 years are intense, but the hard work and *quantity time* you put in during those 5 *short* years makes a whomping huge difference in the life of your child. Get a piece of string. Cut it 85 cm long. (1 year per cm, assumed 85 yr lifespan of Canadian woman.) Now paint the cms from 30 to 35 blue. Take a look at it. It's a small part of your life, and yet it can totally change their *entire* life. Don't be an Uber Parent during that time. Be a good parent. And stop thinking so much about yourself. (Not talking directly to you, here, Ninja Cat, but to a kind of woman I keep reading about in articles) Just because parenting life is different than your career life, that doesn't mean you're not a person. It doesn't mean you can't explore your personhood through this new challenge. Thinking like that seems to be akin to travelling along in a journey, getting to a mountain, and the whole time you're climbing the mountain you're complaining that you aren't on a beach in a kayak. You're on a mountain! Enjoy it! Rise to *that* challange. Build muscle, explore the lessons this part of the journey will teach you. It'll probably make you a better kayaker.
Why do we keep thinking that when you become a mother or are doing mothering work you aren't still the person you were before. Mothering is just a role, just like your job. The *person* is still there. I get so frustrated with this kind of false separation. Mothering has taught me more than any religious teacher, more than any university course, more than any journey. It's been amazing (and hard, I won't deny that). Frankly, I'm really glad I was wise enough to explore my personhood through the mothering that I was going to be doing anyway.
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timeasmymeasure
Hmm
Date: 2005-02-28 05:48 pm (UTC)Can we not do anything in moderation?! As someone in North America, I guess I don't get this. Why must it be assumed that our choices are 'total parenting' or 'total self-hood'? I'm just baffled and frustrated. Maybe the writers of these books are just hanging out with the wrong crowd. I've found lots of support for being a parent. None of the people at my playgroups have ever judged parents for having a part-time job/not having a part-time job or hobby or whatever.
I'm feeling very fed up with the 'uber parenting' culture. Parenting is vital and sacred and a lot of work. But it does NOT involve overscheduling your kids or living through them vicariously. It involves careful thought about how much structure they need, the boundaries they need, and the free playtime they need.
Those first 5 years are intense, but the hard work and *quantity time* you put in during those 5 *short* years makes a whomping huge difference in the life of your child. Get a piece of string. Cut it 85 cm long. (1 year per cm, assumed 85 yr lifespan of Canadian woman.) Now paint the cms from 30 to 35 blue. Take a look at it. It's a small part of your life, and yet it can totally change their *entire* life. Don't be an Uber Parent during that time. Be a good parent. And stop thinking so much about yourself. (Not talking directly to you, here, Ninja Cat, but to a kind of woman I keep reading about in articles) Just because parenting life is different than your career life, that doesn't mean you're not a person. It doesn't mean you can't explore your personhood through this new challenge. Thinking like that seems to be akin to travelling along in a journey, getting to a mountain, and the whole time you're climbing the mountain you're complaining that you aren't on a beach in a kayak. You're on a mountain! Enjoy it! Rise to *that* challange. Build muscle, explore the lessons this part of the journey will teach you. It'll probably make you a better kayaker.
Why do we keep thinking that when you become a mother or are doing mothering work you aren't still the person you were before. Mothering is just a role, just like your job. The *person* is still there. I get so frustrated with this kind of false separation. Mothering has taught me more than any religious teacher, more than any university course, more than any journey. It's been amazing (and hard, I won't deny that). Frankly, I'm really glad I was wise enough to explore my personhood through the mothering that I was going to be doing anyway.
Sarah