Jon Stewart, PhD.
May. 23rd, 2004 11:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciroccojYesterday was Chris' birthday (actually, it was Friday, but what with the wedding and all that we decided not to celebrate on the real date) and dinner is cooking. Yes, the two ideas are related: we got him a slow cooker, which he'd been wishing for for so long that he'd forgotten he wanted it ;) So now we're christening it by cooking a Moroccan Stew from Weight Watchers in it. It should be ready in about 6 hours. Yay!
Pretty nice Victoria Day Weekend so far, except for the fact that Justin is being Stitch-like. Not with the destruction, just with the general loudness and roughness and hyperactivity. We're thinking of getting the hell out of the house for a few hours before we kill him.
Question: how on Earth did we ever survive for the 2 or 3 years that he was like this all day, every day? I'm flabbergasted.
Anyway. Found this in my paper yesterday, and I thought I'd share:
The world according to Dr. Jon
Today isn't about how my presence devalues this fine institution. It's about you.
I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers' union meeting, or Tourette's convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured.
I am honoured to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can't help but wonder what has happened to this place. As a person, I am honoured to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It's incredibly gratifying.
I'm sure my fellow doctoral graduates - who have spent so long toiling in academia, sinking into debt, sacrificing God knows how many years for what, in truth, is a piece of parchment that has been so devalued by our instant gratification culture as to have been rendered meaningless - will join in congratulating me.
But today isn't about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers. It's actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall.
Let's talk about the real world for a moment. This is, I guess, as good a time as any. I don't really know to put this, so I'll be blunt. We broke it. Please don't be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry.
I don't know if you've been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy Internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize.
But here's the good news. You'll fix this thing, you're the next greatest generation, people. And even if you don't, you're not gonna have much trouble surpassing my generation. If you end up getting your picture taken next to a naked guy pile of enemy prisoners and don't give the thumbs up you've outdid us.
But obviously that's the world. What about your lives? What piece of wisdom can I impart to you about my journey that will somehow ease your transition from college back to your parents' basement?
I thought I'd talk a little bit about my experience here at William and Mary. It was very long ago, and if you had been to William and Mary while I was here and found out that I would be the commencement speaker 20 years later, you would be somewhat surprised, and probably somewhat angry.
In 1980 I was 17 years old. When I moved to Williamsburg, my hall was in the basement of Yates, which combined the cheerfulness of a bomb shelter with the prison-like comfort of the group shower. As a freshman I was quite a catch. Less than five feet tall, yet my head was the same size it is now. But what I lacked in looks I made up for with a repugnant personality.
In 1981 I lost my virginity, only to gain it back again on appeal in 1983. You could say that my one saving grace was academics where I excelled, but I did not.
And yet now I live in the rarified air of celebrity, of mega stardom. My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabala center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
So I know that the decisions that I made after college worked out. But at the time I didn't know that they would. See college is not necessarily predictive of your future success. And it's the kind of thing where the path that I chose obviously wouldn't work for you. For one, you're not very funny.
So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? You won't. Accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.
I was not exceptional here, and am not now. I was mediocre here. And I'm not saying aim low. Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president.
When you're in college it's very clear what you have to do to succeed. You knew what you had to do to get to this college and to graduate from it. But the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. The paths are infinite and the results uncertain. So if there's any real advice I can give you it's this.
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
And the last thing I want to address is the idea that somehow this new generation is not as prepared for the sacrifice and the tenacity that will be needed in the difficult times ahead. I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda Naval, and when you talk to the young kids that are there that have just been back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you don't have to worry about the future.
I was in New York on 9-11 when the towers came down. I lived 14 blocks from the twin towers. And when they came down, I thought that the world had ended. And I remember walking around in a daze for weeks. And Mayor Guiliani had said to the city, "You've got to get back to normal. We've got to show that things can change and get back to what they were."
And one day I was coming out of my building, and on my stoop, was a man who was crouched over, and he appeared to be in deep thought. And as I got closer to him I realized, he was playing with himself. And that's when I thought, "You know what, we're gonna be OK."
Comedian Jon Stewart of The Daily Show delivered the commencement address at the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia, this week.
Pretty nice Victoria Day Weekend so far, except for the fact that Justin is being Stitch-like. Not with the destruction, just with the general loudness and roughness and hyperactivity. We're thinking of getting the hell out of the house for a few hours before we kill him.
Question: how on Earth did we ever survive for the 2 or 3 years that he was like this all day, every day? I'm flabbergasted.
Anyway. Found this in my paper yesterday, and I thought I'd share:
The world according to Dr. Jon
Today isn't about how my presence devalues this fine institution. It's about you.
I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers' union meeting, or Tourette's convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured.
I am honoured to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can't help but wonder what has happened to this place. As a person, I am honoured to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It's incredibly gratifying.
I'm sure my fellow doctoral graduates - who have spent so long toiling in academia, sinking into debt, sacrificing God knows how many years for what, in truth, is a piece of parchment that has been so devalued by our instant gratification culture as to have been rendered meaningless - will join in congratulating me.
But today isn't about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers. It's actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall.
Let's talk about the real world for a moment. This is, I guess, as good a time as any. I don't really know to put this, so I'll be blunt. We broke it. Please don't be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry.
I don't know if you've been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy Internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize.
But here's the good news. You'll fix this thing, you're the next greatest generation, people. And even if you don't, you're not gonna have much trouble surpassing my generation. If you end up getting your picture taken next to a naked guy pile of enemy prisoners and don't give the thumbs up you've outdid us.
But obviously that's the world. What about your lives? What piece of wisdom can I impart to you about my journey that will somehow ease your transition from college back to your parents' basement?
I thought I'd talk a little bit about my experience here at William and Mary. It was very long ago, and if you had been to William and Mary while I was here and found out that I would be the commencement speaker 20 years later, you would be somewhat surprised, and probably somewhat angry.
In 1980 I was 17 years old. When I moved to Williamsburg, my hall was in the basement of Yates, which combined the cheerfulness of a bomb shelter with the prison-like comfort of the group shower. As a freshman I was quite a catch. Less than five feet tall, yet my head was the same size it is now. But what I lacked in looks I made up for with a repugnant personality.
In 1981 I lost my virginity, only to gain it back again on appeal in 1983. You could say that my one saving grace was academics where I excelled, but I did not.
And yet now I live in the rarified air of celebrity, of mega stardom. My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabala center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
So I know that the decisions that I made after college worked out. But at the time I didn't know that they would. See college is not necessarily predictive of your future success. And it's the kind of thing where the path that I chose obviously wouldn't work for you. For one, you're not very funny.
So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? You won't. Accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.
I was not exceptional here, and am not now. I was mediocre here. And I'm not saying aim low. Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president.
When you're in college it's very clear what you have to do to succeed. You knew what you had to do to get to this college and to graduate from it. But the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. The paths are infinite and the results uncertain. So if there's any real advice I can give you it's this.
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
And the last thing I want to address is the idea that somehow this new generation is not as prepared for the sacrifice and the tenacity that will be needed in the difficult times ahead. I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda Naval, and when you talk to the young kids that are there that have just been back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you don't have to worry about the future.
I was in New York on 9-11 when the towers came down. I lived 14 blocks from the twin towers. And when they came down, I thought that the world had ended. And I remember walking around in a daze for weeks. And Mayor Guiliani had said to the city, "You've got to get back to normal. We've got to show that things can change and get back to what they were."
And one day I was coming out of my building, and on my stoop, was a man who was crouched over, and he appeared to be in deep thought. And as I got closer to him I realized, he was playing with himself. And that's when I thought, "You know what, we're gonna be OK."
Comedian Jon Stewart of The Daily Show delivered the commencement address at the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia, this week.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 05:52 pm (UTC)Oooh... shiny...
I'll have to think about it - can't think of any off the top of my head, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. Probably next time I get an attack of icon-envy ;) Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 09:40 am (UTC)Woo.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 11:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 05:54 pm (UTC)Jon's a gem
Isn't he? He's restored my faith in America a few times ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 11:11 am (UTC)That speech is incredibly inspiring, in its own way.
I especially love the part about the alcoholic daze and becoming president. ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 05:56 pm (UTC)I LOL'd for real at that one :D :D :D
no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 01:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-23 05:56 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it. It put a much-needed smile on my face too :)
Good find, darling
Date: 2004-05-25 08:52 am (UTC)Good find!
Sarah