WOOL IS PORN!!!

[ciroccoj]

Especially for bear and snarkhunter:



Listen up brothers and sisters come hear my desperate tale
I speak of our friends of nature trapped in the dirt like a jail
Vegetables live in oppression, served on our tables each night
This killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
Salads are only for murderers, coleslaw's a fascist regime
Don't think that they don't have feelings, just cause a radish can't scream

Chorus:
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream, scream, scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (having their insides revealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (burning off calories)
How do you think that feels (bet it hurts really bad)
Carrot juice constitutes murder (and that's a real crime)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (let my vegetables go)
It's time to stop all this gardening (it's dirty as hell)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade is a spade)

I saw a man eating celery, so I beat him black and blue
If he ever touches a sprout again, I'll bite him clean in two
I'm a political prisoner, trapped in a windowless cage
Cause I stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing five men in a rage
I told the judge when he sentenced me, "This is my finest hour,
I'd kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower"

Chorus

How low as people do we dare to stoop,
Making young broccolis bleed in the soup?
Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes
Let potted plants free, don't mash that potato!

I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream, scream, scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (fates in the stir-fry are sealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (you fat gourmet slob)
How do you think that feels? (leave them out in the field)
Carrot juice constitutes murder (V8's genocide)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (yes, your composts are graves)
It's time to stop all this gardening (take up macrame)
Let's call a spade a spade
(is a spade, is a spade, is a spade, is a spade...)

Comments

[bear.livejournal.com]

OMG WILL NO ONE THINK OF TEH VEGETABLES!1!!!

Also? Heeeeee. :)

[daf9.livejournal.com]

No doubt, cannabalism will be the politically correct diet of the future.

[bear.livejournal.com]

d00d, you *have* to go read this -- I immediately thought of your kids. :)

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!

Oh, I Feel her Pain.

[snarkhunter.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in Notting Hill.

(This is from memory, so it may not be verbatim.)

Will: Carrots?
Kezia: No, thank you. I'm a fruitarian.
Will: And what, exactly, is a fruitarian?
Kezia: We believe that fruits and vegetables have feelings, and that cooking is cruel. We only eat things that have actually fallen from the tree or bush, and are, in fact, dead already.
Will: So, these carrots...
Kezia: Have been murdered. Yes.
Will: Well. That's bloody awful. Poor carrots.

(And you have to imagine Hugh Grant delivering those lines...)