Always Look On the Bright Side of Life

[ciroccoj]

The nice thing about bad things happening in bunches is that you can take a break from dealing with/thinking about something unpleasant by dealing with/thinking about something else that's also unpleasant, and not feel guilty about it. Because it's not like you're having a great time while the thing that must be dealt with languishes. You're still having a lousy time; it's just a different kind of lousy time.

Because I was thinking this morning that my mood has been rather cheerful since my mother's funeral. But cheerful in a very, very guilty way. In a "I can't believe mere days after my mother's passing, I'm laughing and relaxed and really rather relieved that it's over and I don't have to keep seeing her suffering and I can be out in the sunshine with the kids and holy crap I had no idea I was this &%$@ing shallow" kind of way.

I've read grief-related stuff. I know that this can happen when there's a prolonged illness. Often, much of the mourning is done before death; death itself often comes as a relief to the survivors.

But it's one thing to read that and understand it intellectually, and quite another to experience it.

So this afternoon, Justin was kicked out of Spanish Camp. And I don't want to think about it. So I'll deal with other stuff instead. Like, for example, the applications for my mother's Death Benefits (for us) and Survivor's Benefits (for Guy). And try to get past the feeling of wanting to cry that accompanies dealing with anything where there's her birth and death dates or the words "deceased" or "the late Julia Neale."

Comments

[tudorlady.livejournal.com]

But cheerful in a very, very guilty way.

Only someone who has been there understands this -- and believe me, I understand.

Often, much of the mourning is done before death; death itself often comes as a relief to the survivors.

And then, the relief makes you feel - terrible. Will you believe me if I tell you that it all evens out? It does. Just takes a while.

xoxox
M

[daf9.livejournal.com]

Even if a parent dies suddenly one can end up feeling relief. I know I did. My mom didn't suffer; she didn't end up in a nursing home (which was one of her biggest fears) and she never had to face the pain of outliving any of her children and grandchildren. No matter what happens in the future to the rest of her family, her friends or the world, she won't have to deal with it.

[(Anonymous)]

I remember feeling relieved also shortly after my father's passing. His illness was emotionally taxing and physically exhausting. I found it extremely difficult to juggle the needs of my family as well as the need to be my sick father's daughter. The driving and the time spent with him/doctors/funeral directors was less time this disorganized woman had for her "other" life. This isn't to say I would have spent less time with him. I sometimes wondered if I had spent enough.

I know it's been said perhaps too many times before, but consider how your mother would have wanted you to be- smiling, relaxed and tending to your family I'm sure.

[(Anonymous)]

I remember feeling relieved also shortly after my father's passing. His illness was emotionally taxing and physically exhausting. I found it extremely difficult to juggle the needs of my family as well as the need to be my sick father's daughter. The driving and the time spent with him/doctors/funeral directors was less time this disorganized woman had for her "other" life. This isn't to say I would have spent less time with him. I sometimes wondered if I had spent enough.

I know it's been said perhaps too many times before, but consider how your mother would have wanted you to be- smiling, relaxed and tending to your family I'm sure.
Kathryn in Hemet, CA