the lighter side of death
Sep. 16th, 2004 06:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciroccojMy mom would've been howling at the conversation I just had with a guy from the City of Ottawa. I'm laughing too, but in a somewhat more resigned manner, because I so wish this was an anomalous conversation and it's so very much not. It's just the latest variation on a theme.
Dweeb: Hello bonjour City of Ottawa Finances.
Me: Hi, I'm wondering if you can help me. I have this water bill for my mother's house. Now, my mother passed away this summer and she wanted the house bills to be paid by her husband after her death. What do you need for me to send you the information to have his name on the bills?
Dweeb: A death certificate will be fine.
Me: OK. I also want to know if her last bill was on automatic debit or if it still has to be paid.
Dweeb: I can't give you that information. I can only speak to the person named on the bill.
Me: That would be my mother.
Dweeb: I'd have to speak to her, then.
Me: Um... my mother is deceased.
Dweeb: I would need to speak to her estate then.
Me: I'm her trustee.
Dweeb: OK, then we'll transfer the information to you then, once the house is in your name. And we'll send you the bills.
Me: I don't want the bills. They're supposed to go to her husband.
Dweeb: Oh, right. Is he part owner of the house?
Me: No, he's not.
Dweeb: I can only speak to the owner of the house. I can only speak to (looking it up) Julia Neale.
Me: Um... that'll be a little difficult. She's dead.
Dweeb: Was your father on the tax roll for the house?
Me: My mother's husband? No, I don't think so.
Dweeb: Because if he's on the tax roll, once the house is in his name we can talk to him.
Me: But the house won't be in his name.
Dweeb: Well, if it's on the tax roll... (looking it up) No. The only name on the tax roll is Julia Neale, so we'd have to talk to her.
Me: Well, she can't come to the phone. What do I need to do to get you to talk to me? Do you need the will, or just the death certificate-
Dweeb: Actually, don't bother to send the death certificate, I thought your father was part owner, but if he's not, then the death certificate won't do anything. And we can only talk to you if you're the owner of the house. But we only have one person listed here, so...
Me: (counting to ten) OK. Um, could I speak to somebody else there? Like, maybe your supervisor?
Dweeb: Sure!
I guess it's true that as a society we don't deal much with death. You would not believe how many bureaucrats are totally stymied by the notion of death. It's like there's just no provision for it anywhere. Bizarre.
Dweeb: Hello bonjour City of Ottawa Finances.
Me: Hi, I'm wondering if you can help me. I have this water bill for my mother's house. Now, my mother passed away this summer and she wanted the house bills to be paid by her husband after her death. What do you need for me to send you the information to have his name on the bills?
Dweeb: A death certificate will be fine.
Me: OK. I also want to know if her last bill was on automatic debit or if it still has to be paid.
Dweeb: I can't give you that information. I can only speak to the person named on the bill.
Me: That would be my mother.
Dweeb: I'd have to speak to her, then.
Me: Um... my mother is deceased.
Dweeb: I would need to speak to her estate then.
Me: I'm her trustee.
Dweeb: OK, then we'll transfer the information to you then, once the house is in your name. And we'll send you the bills.
Me: I don't want the bills. They're supposed to go to her husband.
Dweeb: Oh, right. Is he part owner of the house?
Me: No, he's not.
Dweeb: I can only speak to the owner of the house. I can only speak to (looking it up) Julia Neale.
Me: Um... that'll be a little difficult. She's dead.
Dweeb: Was your father on the tax roll for the house?
Me: My mother's husband? No, I don't think so.
Dweeb: Because if he's on the tax roll, once the house is in his name we can talk to him.
Me: But the house won't be in his name.
Dweeb: Well, if it's on the tax roll... (looking it up) No. The only name on the tax roll is Julia Neale, so we'd have to talk to her.
Me: Well, she can't come to the phone. What do I need to do to get you to talk to me? Do you need the will, or just the death certificate-
Dweeb: Actually, don't bother to send the death certificate, I thought your father was part owner, but if he's not, then the death certificate won't do anything. And we can only talk to you if you're the owner of the house. But we only have one person listed here, so...
Me: (counting to ten) OK. Um, could I speak to somebody else there? Like, maybe your supervisor?
Dweeb: Sure!
I guess it's true that as a society we don't deal much with death. You would not believe how many bureaucrats are totally stymied by the notion of death. It's like there's just no provision for it anywhere. Bizarre.
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-16 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-16 05:03 pm (UTC)And somebody somewhere said that rather than bringing in a will, I should ask my mother to give them a call.
Um... sure... do you have any mediums on staff?
In his defense, I don't think he'd caught the part about my mother already being deceased, but still. It's a pretty major factoid to miss.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-17 08:29 am (UTC)Let's see how many I can remember:
"kicked the bucket"
"pushing up daisies"
"bought the farm"
Hmm.. can't seem to remember many of them. This site has a fairly comprehensive list. A lot of black humour there.
http://phrontistery.50megs.com/longpig/dead.html
And I also discovered this - the Top 12 Star Trek euphemisms for death. hee hee. I hope you don't find this disrespectful. I don't intend it to be.
http://www.topfive.com/arcs/t5061699.shtml
I also think it's "hilarious" that your mother's husband must be your father...hello?...someone should buy these people a clue or two or ten.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-19 05:45 pm (UTC)http://www.topfive.com/arcs/t5061699.shtml
Ooh, must visit this when I'm no longer up to my ass in ADR alligators.
someone should buy these people a clue or two or ten.
Yeah and it's like so many other things - the initial assumption isn't that big a deal (even though I would think it's a little unusual for people to refer to their father as their "mother's husband") but it's the repetition after I've already re-worded them on it that indicates a higher level of cluelessness than is acceptable in non-mouthbreathing persons.
Then again, the guy had trouble with understanding that my mother, being dead, would not be able to talk to him, so I guess I really shouldn't have expected much higher brain function from him.
Would it be terrible to admit I found this very funny?
Date: 2004-09-18 05:37 am (UTC)Well, she can't come to the phone. Bwahahahaha!
~~~~~~~~~~~sending virtual chocolate and a hug~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sarah
Re: Would it be terrible to admit I found this very funny?
Date: 2004-09-19 07:04 pm (UTC)Nah - I think the deceased would've found it pretty funny too :)
My mom used to chuckle every time somebody called for "Mr. Neale," she told them, "He's dead," and they got all befuddled. And she loved telling people how one time the poor sod on the phone was obviously on autopilot and asked her, "OK, when will he be back?"
~~~~~~~~~~~sending virtual chocolate and a hug~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ooh! Strawberry Kit-kat, my favourite!
I think that at some point
Date: 2004-09-18 12:51 pm (UTC)Stephanie
http://www.caerdroia.org/116
Re: I think that at some point
Date: 2004-09-19 07:19 pm (UTC)LOL!!
And now I'm hoping to get another one of these people on the phone, just so I can use that line on them ;)