I feel like a crow

It's like I'm a harbinger of doom or something. Had to tell Chris about Guy on Monday night, and then tell the boys yesterday. It was pretty tough, much tougher than when I had to tell them about my mom, because this time around they know exactly what death means. Justin wailed for about an hour. Daniel was incredibly angry. We sat together and talked (well - as much as we could, over the crying) for a long, long time. They were both pretty gloomy, saying that everything sucked and nothing good ever happened in life. Sounds pretty melodramatic and vaguely funny, but they're 6 and 9, so logic doesn't have much sway over strong emotions.

Thank god for ninja_kat Jr. and our godson Zany, because I was finally to pierce a tiny bit of the gloom'n'doom by pointing out that yes, of course it's sad that Luli's gone and Guy will also be gone soon, but that's life, and death and sorrow is balanced out by positive things, like birth, and joy.

And then I had to write an e-mail to my cousin Ingrid, who came to be with my mom when she died. Let her & hers know about Guy. Then today I called my aunt Dory, and let her know too. Both very cheery conversations.

Can't even get into seeing Guy yesterday.

And Chris is on call, and winter finally decided to grace Ottawa and it's freaking freezing and dark, and I had an appointment with H&R Block about my mom's death taxes. Which I had prepared for (I thought) by bringing every slip of paper having anything to do with my mother, from the last two years, a very neat list of questions, and lots of stuff for the kids to do, with strict instructions to behave or else.

Unfortunately, I hadn't adequately prepared for the utter disdain of the H&R Block person I dealt with, who could not believe that I (a) had waited this long to do the death taxes, (b) didn't have everything alphabetized and sorted, (c) had no clue where my mother's T4412A-45XB form was, (d) hadn't even ascertained whether her Hong Kong Bank account was a mutual fund or RSP or certified RRSP or GIC or WTFBBQ.

After about half an hour, I glanced down at my neat little list of questions, realized I hadn't gotten past #1, looked at the long list of stuff she'd said I needed to figure out and realized at least half had been accompanied by eye-rolling and huffiness, gathered my various slips and my perfectly behaved boys, thanked her for her time and walked out.

Screw it, I'll deal with it after Chris' exams are done. My ego can't take anything else right now.