UGH

I think I just really ticked off the lady on the phone for CapitalOne, by asking her to repeat herself about twenty times. I just couldn't understand a word she was saying. She kept getting louder and louder, and I kept telling her, "I can hear you just fine; I just can't understand what you're saying. Please don't speak louder; just slow down."

I hate being one of those people who feigns incomprehension because somebody else has a bit of an accent. My parents have accents in English; most of my friends growing up had parents with fairly thick accents; I've travelled around the world and can understand every variety of English (other than Singlish), most French (except, ironically, rural Quebecois), and almost every Spanish dialect I've ever heard. Except for the Spanish spoken by this guy I knew at Queen's, who spoke Spain Spanish, very softly, in the cafeteria, under a mustache, and usually with his hand in front of his mouth. And usually spoke it only to me, in an attempt to share "Latin humour," which I mostly really didn't get, and which seemed to consist mostly of Spain-Spanish puns I couldn't understand, and rather stupid sexism that was more offensive for its stupidity than its sexism.

Anyway. I get accents. I just didn't get what this woman was saying.

"So juwanna che debalan sonjorr carannju donnavde securityco?"

??!!

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that please?"

"Juwanna che de balans onjorrcar annju donnav de securityco?"

"I want to do something, and I don't have the security code?"

"Jes. Juwanna chedebalans on jorr car--"

"Do I want to check the balance on my card?"

"Jes."

"Yes! Yes, that's what I want to do."

"Anju donnavde security--"

"And I don't have the security code! Yes, that's it! I want to check the balance on my card, and I don't have the security code."

"Okeiju jassavtu gweijussa momen, aigedde proper scrin."

"You'll get the proper screen?"

"Wad?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you said before that."

"JUJASSAVTUGWEI--"

"Please don't shout, I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you said before the proper screen part."

"Okei ai goddescrin."

"OK, you got the screen?"

"JES."

Long story short, my wallet has not been stolen. Unless it was stolen three days ago and the thief used it to purchase "TERRYTREE SISSTIN" ($33.16) worth of groceries, at my grocery store. I met a lot of thieves in prison, and I gotta say, by and large they weren't big on frugality and restraint.

Unfortunately, I still don't have my wallet. ::sigh::

Also, I believe the cat just peed. Damn.