ciroccoj | Silly songs

The other day I got the bright idea to download the Law & Order theme, which led to The X-Files theme, which led to other TV theme songs. Which led to a discovery: when you haven't seen your SO for about a week, and you're playing theme songs on your puter, and you start cuddling and getting reacquainted, the themes for Hill Street Blues and St. Elsewhere are nice to have in the background. The "Thinking Music" for Jeopardy, however, utterly ruins the mood.

I also got the bright idea to look for The Rodeo Song ("It's forty below/And I don't give a f***/There's a heater in my truck/And I'm off to the ro-de-o"). Which led to Dennis Leary's Asshole Song ("Sometimes I park/In handicapped spaces/While handicapped people/Make handicapped faces/I'm an Asshole!"). Which, when I did a search for it, gave me a whooole range of other songs that I hadn't wanted at all. You can imagine, I'm sure. I was reminded of all the times I did searches for "X-Files" and got "XXX WIld ChixXx!!" and such.

Anyway, one of the songs that came up was entitled The um... 'Kitty' Song. Yes, that's a euphemism for a euphemism. It was listed as Comedy, so, telling myself I was going to regret this, I downloaded it, figuring it would be a play on the word and actually be about a cat. With (tee-hee) double-entendres meant to be funny to 12-year olds.

No, not quite. The word 'Kitty' is not used. It's sung in a hearty deep-voiced cowboy-style, complete with a hearty cowboy-chorus in the background. The guy could be singing about facing a famous gang of outlaws with only his six-shooter or something. And it's an Ode To Vaginas.

Anyway, very, very funny. Obviously I can't convey the hilariousness of the hearty cowboy style, but I included them below for the morbidly curious (Please heed warning: the lyrics are explicit and a little icky. The verbal equivalent of that link to the genital jewelry site that

bear so thoughfully provided a few months ago).

I've got the glimmerings of a Plain Sight Exception VIII. Hm...

Lead:
Some of them are hairy
Some of them are bald
Some are kinda scary
And this is what they're called:

(Chorus)
Vagi-iiina!
Back-up: Vagina!
Lead (rising to falsetto) Vagi-iiina!
Back-up: Vagina!
Lead: They call
That thing,
Vagina.

Some belong to virgins
They're really tight and strong
But big or small
I love 'em all
That's why I sing my song

(Chorus)

Back-ups, changing key: Vagina!

Lead: Some of them are smelly
Like clams and fish and such
Some smell like a summer's eve
Cause they've been douched too much

(Chorus, 2x)

Nothing could be finer than to be in a vagina in the mo-o-o-rning.