pssst, owens_mom

[ciroccoj]

OK, this one's mostly for owens_mom, but anybody else who wants it can download it too. My file says it's by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, but I know the Arrogant Worms recorded a version of it. Not sure whether I've got the Trolls or the Worms version here, but it sure sounds like the Worms to me.

The Toronto Song Download (AKA Ontario Sucks)


Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie's
The Toronto Song (1989 Version)

I hate the Skydome
And the CN Tower too
I hate Nathan Phillips Square
And the Ontario Zoo

The rent's too high
The air's unclean
The beaches are dirty
And the people are mean,

And the women are big
And the men are dumb
And the children are loopy
'Cause they live in a slum

The water is polluted
And the mayor's a dork
They dress real bad
And they think they're New York

In Toronto,
Ontario-o-oh...

(spoken)
A: You know actually... I think I pretty much hate all of Ontario.
B: Oh yeah... me too.

I hate Thunder Bay
And Ottawa,
Kitchener, Windsor,
And Oshawa,

London sucks,
And the Great Lakes suck,
And Sarnia sucks,
And Turkey Point sucks

I took a trip to Ontario,	Moosoonee sucks and Beaverton sucks
To visit Brian Mulroney-	Southhampton sucks and Hull1 sucks, too
He beat me up and he stole my pants	Peterborough, Marlborough, Stockton suck,
and he put me on a tree	Elk Bay Islands and Uxbridge suck
I went to see the Maple Leafs,	Mississauga sucks and Sterling sucks
and got hit in the head with a puck	Port Elgin sucks and Brighton sucks
I don't even know how they did it, I mean,	Ravenhurst sucks and Sudbury2 sucks
I was playing the organ at the time	And Thunder Bay2 sucks and
	Alan Thicke sucks!

Ontario-o-o-o-oh
Sucks.

(spoken)
A: Yup. Actually you know now that I really think about it, I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country.
B: Well, except Alberta...
A: Oh yeah, I love Alberta!
B: It's very nice, lots of cows and trees and rocks and dirt
A+B: moo moo moo!

But,

I hate Newfoundland
Cause they talk so weird
And Prince Edward Island is
Too small!

Nova Scotia's dumb
Cause it's the name of a bank
New Brunswick
Doesn't have a good mall

Quebec is revolting
And it makes me mad
Ontario sucks,
Ontario sucks

(spoken)
B: And the average population density of Manitoba is 1.9 people per square kilometer…
A: Isn't that stupid?

Saskatchewan is boring
And the people are old
And as for the territories:
They're too cold!

(spoken)And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that it's right next to us;

Cause Albertaa--
Doesn't suck;

But Calgary does.



¹: Hull is actually in Quebec. It's across the bridge from Ottawa, which is often referred to locally as Ottawa-Hull.
²: I really don't think my version has them saying Sudbury or Thunder Bay here, but I can't make out what cities they're actually saying.

Comments

[a-dawn.livejournal.com]

Hmm that's weird, because I have a copy of "The War of 1812" that says it's by Three Dead Trolls, when I know for a fact it's the Arrogant Worms. Whereas my copy of The Ontario Song is solidly stated as by the Arrogant Worms.

Weird.

[owens-mom.livejournal.com]

Sweet! Thank you!!

Unfortunately when I download your link I get a Dr Demento Dungeons and Dragons thinger... ack?!

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Sweet! Thank you!!

Unfortunately when I download your link I get a Dr Demento Dungeons and Dragons thinger... ack?!
Hm... not sure how that happened...

Will try the upload again.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Bugger. Not working. Will try again later tonight.