::seething fury::

[ciroccoj]

DO NOT WAKE US UP!!

ABSOLUTE SILENCE UNTIL 10:00

NO EXCEPTIONS

IF YOU WAKE US UP, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE PUNISHMENT WILL BE, BUT IT WILL BE VERY, VERY, VERY SERIOUS!!

***

Like just about every parent in the world, I think, we have had problems with the kids waking us up too early in the morning for years. For the first six years or so (ie, until our youngest turned 3) we normally just had one parent (mostly me) wake up to be with the kids so that the other parent could sleep in.

In the last few years, we've had morning privileges in place to encourage them to let us sleep on weekend mornings. They get to watch TV and play computer games on Chris' laptop. Since they normally don't get to do either, it's a real treat for them and keeps them away from us. Every few months one of them (usually Justin) is too loud or one of them (usually Daniel) comes to wake us up for something that isn't an emergency (eg, the laptop isn't working) and gets in big, big trouble. Privileges are taken away - eg no laptop at all this weekend, no TV for two days. We go over the rules and the reason behind them (mostly that I'm an extremely light sleeper and the smallest noise wakes me up for good) and the behaviour goes away until the next time.

For some reason that must have something to do with the fact that the universe hates me, in the last few weeks Daniel has been coming upstairs to wake us up over nothing at all. The TV isn't working. Justin's bugging him. Where's the oatmeal?

We've had longer and longer talks. We've taken away more and more privileges. We've stressed the importance of letting us (ie, me) sleep during exam/essay time. We've pointed out that the courses I take cost somewhere between $700-800 each, and will help determine what kind of job I can get once I'm done. We've become vague in our threatened punishments, stating that they will have to be worked out on a case by case basis and will involve more than just a two-day ban on a few privileges, because this is really, really, really important and he really, really, really needs to get that.

My 100% paper is due tomorrow. The gruntwork is done. It's mostly written; now I need to go through for grammar, spelling, and flow, and make it sound pretty.

I went to bed at 4AM last night, because I was determined to finish the first draft so that I would only have to work on the nebulous "stylistic feel" part of it today. I figured I would sleep about 6-7 hours and wake up ready to devote all my mental energies to verbal prettiness.

This morning, at 8:30AM, Daniel popped into our bedroom and trilled "It's 8:30, I really think you should be awake now!"

Hence the sign above, which has been printed off and taped to our bedroom door, his bedroom door, and his wall. He has also lost all computer and TV privileges for one month.

We have also pointed out that although our rule has always been "No waking us up unless it's an emergency", the rule has now been changed for Daniel. It is no NO WAKING US UP, EVER. We have left Justin in charge of deciding whether or not something is an emergency, because although he is 7 and Daniel is 10, we trust his judgment far, far more than we trust Daniel's. So unless his little brother says so, Daniel is barred from going anywhere near us in the morning.

I am so damned tired and slow right now. I'm guzzling caffeine desperately, but my mental faculties are not what they should be and I'm too angry at Daniel to be able to focus properly. If I believed in corporal punishment, I would've used a belt so hard he wouldn't be able to sit for a month. Hell, I'm even wondering if this might not be a good time to rethink my whole anti-corporal-punishment parenting belief - or at least set it aside for five minutes.



No, I'm not actually serious about that last. I did make him cry, though, and right now I don't feel terribly guilty about doing so. I might, later. I might not.

Comments

[a-dawn.livejournal.com]

I don't have any kids, so grain of salt and all that, but I think what would have me insanely mad is not just the waking up but the "I really think you should be awake now."

ARGH.

You are a patient woman :)

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

I don't have any kids, so grain of salt and all that, but I think what would have me insanely mad is not just the waking up but the "I really think you should be awake now."
OMFG that's the part that kills me the most! I questioned him over and over again, because I just couldn't believe it. Why did he think we needed to be awake? Did he think it was a weekday? Did he need us to do something for him? Did he think it actually noon? WHAT?!

Nope. He wasn't thinking at all. Apparently he just looked at the clock, saw that it was 8:30, and thought Hm, let's go wake up the parents.

::not-so-muffled shriek::

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. Maybe you can take a nap? And the first rule of corporal punishment is to never touch the child if you're not fully in control of your emotions, so now's a bad time to consider it.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. Maybe you can take a nap?
I'm going to try, but the problem is naps often just don't work for me. It takes me forever to go to sleep. And if I do get to sleep, sometimes it's helpful but sometimes I just wake up even more blurry than I was before. And if it doesn't work, by the time I give up I'm totally out to lunch.

And the first rule of corporal punishment is to never touch the child if you're not fully in control of your emotions, so now's a bad time to consider it.
Yeah, me and emotional control kinda aren't on speaking terms right now. Plus it's only supposed to be done to teach your kid a lesson, and right now the only lesson I think Daniel would learn is "Mama sure goes insane when she's pissed off."

As it is I think later today I might feel guilty for making him cry, even though the only reason he was crying was that I was pointing out a few hard truths. Eg, that he is ten years old and this is behaviour that a six year old shouldn't do, and that my grade depends on this essay and he may have just cost me a letter grade. I also pointed out the fact that I've been working on it for months, and he and Justin have had to leave me alone quite a bit for the last week or so, and Chris has taken care of them by himself for the last few days, and now Daniel may have pissed away everybody's work for no reason whatsoever.

Yeah, re-reading that last paragraph I'm not sure how guilty I feel about it. I'm not sure about the costing me a letter grade part, but he's definitely made it a hell of a lot more difficult to make this paper as good as it can be.

::fume::

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

Maybe better than a nap would be to take some time to yourself. An hour won't make a difference to the paper, but if you leave the boys with Chris to go out, get yourself something to eat, and maybe just sit in the sunshine for a little while, I think it'll make you feel more capable of sitting back down to work.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I took your advice - not that I went too far, but I did make myself sit and have a tea in our dining room and get away from the paper and all thoughts of childicide. Felt somewhat better... eventually ;)

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

And a most appropriate icon, that is.

Lessons & Spanking

[(Anonymous)]

1. "...the only lesson I think Daniel would learn is "Mama sure goes insane when she's pissed off." And why would this not be an appropriate lesson for him to learn? He could apply it in later years to cranky teachers, bosses, girlfriends, etc. Learning not to piss people off is a GOOD thing, don't you think?

2. There IS a difference between a couple of sharp smacks with your bare hand on his bare bum (spanking) and using a belt on a child (abuse). Something to ponder.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry! Although I'm also laughing a little, because your family is the complete opposite of mine, where my parents were the ones who were always waking me up, saying things like, "Good afternoon!" if I dared to sleep past 9 on a Saturday, that sort of thing.

*hugs*

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Although I'm also laughing a little, because your family is the complete opposite of mine, where my parents were the ones who were always waking me up, saying things like, "Good afternoon!" if I dared to sleep past 9 on a Saturday, that sort of thing.
LOL Oh, how I wish. Although many early rising little kids turn into late risers during their teen years. So who knows, maybe someday Daniel will have rolled in at 2AM from a party and be sleeping it off and I'll pop into his room at 6:30 and chirp Wakey wakey!! Look at that lovely sunrise!! and finally have my revenge. He won't remember this morning's incident, but I will.

Oooh, I hope he's hungover, too! That would be sweet >:)

[umbo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was an early riser as a little kid, although I'm pretty sure my habits had shifted by the time I was ten. And you will have to remember to wake him up early when he's a teen--turnabout is definitely fair play, I think!

[lizzie-omalley.livejournal.com]

I am sorry that your morning got off to such a rollicking bad start.

I wonder if he wasn't bored and wanted attention and decided, without thinking about the consequences, to wake the parents up. I may be completely off base with that. Under stress, he isn't going to know at all what he was thinking. As you say, probably he wasn't.

I understand the not getting back to sleep thing and I have to practically be in a coma before I can nap but sometimes getting out for a walk or some birding will help restore me when I am that tired. Under those circumstances, I find that I have to step away from the project, even when it is due in the next five seconds, to restore my equilibrium so that I can function. If I don't take that time out the amount of effort it takes to do the work far exceeds the output. I would get more in the last second if I take four to regroup than I would in the entire five if I didn't.

Do you have some similar things, like walking or the like that can help recharge your batteries?

You can think to yourself, someday his children will do the same to him. Hold tight to that thought.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

I am sorry that your morning got off to such a rollicking bad start.
Yeah, started with a bang, not a whimper. Ugh.

I wonder if he wasn't bored and wanted attention and decided, without thinking about the consequences, to wake the parents up.
Probably... but aaaarg, he's ten years old! ::grumble::

I understand the not getting back to sleep thing and I have to practically be in a coma before I can nap but sometimes getting out for a walk or some birding will help restore me when I am that tired.
I went and made myself a tea and sat in my empty dining room for a while (Chris had taken the sprogs away), enjoying my tea and not thinking of the paper. It helped, somewhat.

You can think to yourself, someday his children will do the same to him. Hold tight to that thought.
LOL holding very very tight. I want to be there when they do, so I can laugh at him and high-five them ;)

[batita.livejournal.com]

oh man... we too have waking us up in the morning issues and I feel your pain. I'm not in school so I'm not up till four working on an essay and I don't have to finish an essay today but I was up for almost two hours in the night with Evie (she's sick) and I do have to try to be a reasonable human being (and finish this fundraiser stuff). Anyhow, we finally have gotten Zack (5) to leave us alone until 7am. Sometimes he even stays away until 7:05! We did it through a series of bribes (reward chart) and one consequence (taking away a 5-yr old privilege). He didn't get it back until he stayed away till 7 for 3 days running. It is crazy making when they keep waking me up for no good reason. argghhhh. I was really hoping it was going to get better! Hang in there. And I hope you don't feel guilty. It doesn't hurt for them to know when they've crossed the line!

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

oh man... we too have waking us up in the morning issues and I feel your pain. I'm not in school so I'm not up till four working on an essay and I don't have to finish an essay today but I was up for almost two hours in the night with Evie (she's sick)
Ah, yeah see I've done both and sick baby = far worse than all-nighter.

and I do have to try to be a reasonable human being (and finish this fundraiser stuff). Anyhow, we finally have gotten Zack (5) to leave us alone until 7am. Sometimes he even stays away until 7:05!
Thank god for small miracles :)

Justin's always been much better at letting us be. Daniel's extremely high-needs, low impulse control, but I really thought he'd outgrown this kind of thing by now.

I was really hoping it was going to get better!
It does, it's just really discouraging when they backslide, because you really think they're done with a particular annoying behaviour, heave a huge sigh of relief... and then boom, there it is again.

And I hope you don't feel guilty. It doesn't hurt for them to know when they've crossed the line!
Yeah, I think it was OK. I was a bit more cutting than I usually am, but not deliberately cruel. And frankly, I think he had earned himself a few tears over this; maybe they'll help him remember to use his head and think of the consequences next time.

I can always dream ;)

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

I don't have children, but I do have a needy partner and five furballs that don't think I ever need to sleep past OMG!8:00am. Mrs. CB and I had to have several "conversations" about how I suffer from insomnia and got up M-F at 4:00am, so I not only wanted to, but NEEDED to sleep in on my days off. It took about 3 years of me losing my cool for her to leave me be.

The cats, however, are like biological alarm clocks. If we are on vaca or it's the weeekend, they think we have overslept and start meowing and jumping on us. We literally have to tell them the night before, "The mama's get to sleep in tomorrow, don't wake us up!"

And no, that doesn't work either ;)

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

I don't have children, but I do have a needy partner and five furballs that don't think I ever need to sleep past OMG!8:00am. Mrs. CB and I had to have several "conversations"
Yowch, that's a lot of morning cheer. I have the opposite problem with Chris - he needs a lot of sleep, but he's perfectly capable of staying asleep through anything, and he can go back to sleep no problem even after getting up, making breakfast, and having a few conversations - whereas once I'm up, that's it.

We literally have to tell them the night before, "The mama's get to sleep in tomorrow, don't wake us up!"
And no, that doesn't work either ;)
LOL I was going to say, wow, that's some smart cats you've got there - how come they can grasp the concept when my ten-year-old human can't?

[leaper182.livejournal.com]

I think what really gets to me the most was that he said that he really thought you needed to be awake at 8:30am out loud. That would annoy me to no end if I were in your position because I'm the adult in the situation, and I have a better idea of when I should sleep, and when I should be awake. You've tried to stress the importance of your needing to sleep past 8:30am, and it's apparently gone in one ear and out the other, so there's clearly something not working here.

Has Daniel had a problem with impulse control in the past? I'm trying to remember if he was the first one to be home-schooled or not, because of his acting up in class.

So, I would say try to calm down, and while you could consider spanking him, think about it in terms of the amount of time between the crime itself (as it were), and the punishment delivered. He might think that he's getting punished for something completely different, no matter how many times you say it's because he woke you up. He's already cried because you yelled at him, I take it? I don't know how many times he's cried over being yelled at, and getting a guilt trip, but that might've made an impact. If you want to go further before spankings, have him sit down and write "I will not wake Mama up myself." Don't say 500 times, but say he has to write for an hour or two. I've only ever to do that punishment once (because I kept leaving clothes in the washer, or clothes in the dryer, and not finishing the laundry, which had been a chore of mine at the time), but I do remember my hand hurting like hell by bedtime, so it might just stick with Daniel.

Other than that, mynuet has a good idea with taking time for yourself to calm down, go out, soak in some sunshine, embrace fluffy bunnies, get in touch with granola-ness, or even just kind of treat yourself to chocolate or whatever makes you feel better about life in general.

Um, yeah, I have no children too, but I hope I've offered something intelligent to the conversation? :D?

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

That would annoy me to no end if I were in your position because I'm the adult in the situation, and I have a better idea of when I should sleep, and when I should be awake.
Yeah, I thought so too... ::sigh::

Has Daniel had a problem with impulse control in the past? I'm trying to remember if he was the first one to be home-schooled or not, because of his acting up in class.
Yeah, that was Daniel. I think he would've been on Ritalin for the last three years if he'd been at school. We're getting him tested for ADHD in May. Whether they find ADHD or not, and whether we go with medication or not, I'd like to see what they can tell us about dealing with his spaceyness and lack of impulse control. The thing is, he's actually very self-controlled if he thinks about it... the problem is getting him to think about it. He's very well-behaved at home - mostly - but extremely spacey.

He's already cried because you yelled at him, I take it? I don't know how many times he's cried over being yelled at, and getting a guilt trip, but that might've made an impact.
He doesn't, usually. He feels dumb when he's done a dumb thing, but he doesn't usually feel really bad about it. He was feeling pretty bad this morning.

If you want to go further before spankings, have him sit down and write "I will not wake Mama up myself." Don't say 500 times, but say he has to write for an hour or two.
That's not a bad idea, actually. Of course this morning when I saw it all I could think was that I really wanted one of those magic quills from Order of the Phoenix, where the kid ends up writing in his own blood, but that's (mostly) passed now ;)

Other than that, mynuet has a good idea with taking time for yourself to calm down, go out, soak in some sunshine, embrace fluffy bunnies, get in touch with granola-ness,
LOL!!!

Um, yeah, I have no children too, but I hope I've offered something intelligent to the conversation? :D?
Yeah, thanks :)

[leaper182.livejournal.com]

Yay, I r smarty hamster! :D

Fluffy bunnies are SOFT, omg. Because I went to a store during the Easter season, and they had these ridiculously soft bunny plushies, and I was like, "OMG, LET ME LAY IN SOFTNESS."

And yeah, the writing exercise only really hurts their hand, so it's not like you'll feel extremely guilty over a few swats on the keister.

And yeah, I'm rather interested to see what the doctors will say in terms of ADHD. It might be a possibility, because I had a sense of self-preservation in the mornings when Mom was asleep, and not having that's a bit odd. *blink*

[twistedm.livejournal.com]

oh lord, i know from the desire to hit, despite the knowledge that it isn't how i want to parent. sometimes i just want the little bastards to HURT.

thus, hair-washing baths. *evil, nasty grin*

but that's my little bastards. yours probably have different triggers. good luck finding them. and good luck on that paper!

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

thus, hair-washing baths. *evil, nasty grin*
LOL! It's nice when you can sublimate all that negative energy into something semi-positive, isn't it?

but that's my little bastards. yours probably have different triggers. good luck finding them. and good luck on that paper!
Thanks :)

[ladystarstruck.livejournal.com]

Can't add anything to the wakeup bit, although personally I'm just thrilled my own son slept past 5:30am this morning.

However, if you want a non-law eye to read your essay, I'm great at spellchecking.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Can't add anything to the wakeup bit, although personally I'm just thrilled my own son slept past 5:30am this morning.
Ah yes, I remember those days too. And as frustrating as it is to have my ten year old wake me up at 8:30... see, this is why I don't get people who say they prefer the baby stage.

However, if you want a non-law eye to read your essay, I'm great at spellchecking.
Hee - thanks! I may just take you up on that...