If all of your friends jumped off a cliff of DH-posts, would you jump off too?

[ciroccoj]

Note: If you've already read this on my other lj, don't bother reading this, it's almost exactly the same.


I've been offline for a while, but I actually took notes (in long-hand, with a fountain pen!) while I read DH. Went back and typed them in, with a few embellishments. My geekdom knows few bounds.

1. The Dark Lord Ascending: Got the book and immediately fell asleep. I'm not sure this bodes well.
   
   Hey! Lucius! Good to see ya. Or rather, not, as I'm sure your Paris Hilton wig is looking worse for wear, what with Voldemort's [OMG!! WTF??!! WHERE DID ALL THE DEATH EATERS COME FROM??!! ::banish:: ::banish::] displeasure and Azkaban's seaspray being terrible for split ends.
   
   
2. In Memoriam: Skeeter. Ew. Icky. "An entire chapter to the Potter/Dumbledore Potter-Dumbledore relationship"?!
   
   ::turns page::
   
   
3. The Dursleys Departing: Aww, Big D. You've got a heart. Or... spleen, or something. The point is, it's in there somewhere.
   
   
4. The Seven Potters: It's A Thousand Beautiful Things!!
   
   Hermione: Ooh, you look so much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle!
   Order of the Phoenix: Ooh, TMI, and also ::hurl::
   Harry/Hermione Shippers: ::perking up::
   
   "Wow - we're identical!"
   
   "He felt like asking them to show a little more respect for his privacy." Yeah, well, that would be quite the headtrip, wouldn't it? Seeing multiple copies of yourself nonchalantly stripping in public. I wonder how Radcliffe will pull it off handle that perform when it comes time to film that scene. He should probably try to get some experience stripping publicly.
   
   Hedwig! Stan Shunpike! Hagrid! NOOOO!!
   
   ::reads frantically::
   
   
5. Fallen Warrior: GEORGE!! NOOO!!!
   
   ::reads frantically::
   
   OK, George at least is mostly OK. And of course Fred knows the perfect comeback to George's quip. Still. Hedwig. ::sniffle::
   
   
6. The Ghoul in Pajamas: Gratuitous use of the word "uvula."
   
   
7. The Will of Albus Dumbledore: "Was the man he sought down there? The man he needed so badly he could think of little else, the man who held the answer, the answer to his problem..." JKR's a slasher, isn't she?
   
   Um, when did Harry start shaving?
   
   OMG the slashers have just slashed their necks over the Harry/Ginny gropey scene. As has Ron. Although I'd like to know, if Ron saw groping, why we didn't see groping. We just got to hear Harry compare his ex-girlfriend to alcohol. I suspect a slasher on the editing crew.
   
   Bestest lines: "It's time you learned some respect."
   "It's time you earned it."
   
   
8. The Wedding: Damn, one of seviet's pictures for Bill & Fleur's wedding is ruined. Le sigh.
   
   Just realized Harry and Ginny's wedding picture is also partly toast, what with Mad-Eye no longer being among the living. ::sigh::
   
   "Yeah," said Harry, suddenly irritated, "and she's seeing someone. Jealous type. Big bloke. You wouldn't want to cross him."
   (::snorfle::)
   
   "Vot," he said, draining his goblet and getting to his feet again, "is the point of being an international Quidditch player if all the good-looking girls are taken?"
   (Oh, Viktor. Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are cute, and look good with other men.)
   
   "Fred and George had long since disaappeared into the darkness with a pair of Fleur's cousins;"
   Oh, the fic prompt. Oh, the humanity.
   
   Re. the Godric's Hollow thing, OMG OMG are Dumbledore and Harry related? I may have to retch.
   
   And: the Ministry has fallen?? Good god. It's a darkfic. I always kinda thought that, you know, when Voldemort [HOLY CRAP!! DEATH EATERS AGAIN!! WTF??!! ::banish:: ::banish::]
   
   Ahem. I've always been kinda confused as to what, exactly, the Death Eaters are working towards. Like, are they just trying to do cool magic? Or make it legal to hunt Muggles for sport? Or what? It didn't seem like they had much of a plan, beyond killing one little boy, which doesn't sound like such a great platform to get people to give you their undying devotion.
   
   So yeah, OK, now I see. Makes sense. Is icky.
   
   
9. A Place to Hide: Holy shit. Also: "Harry felt sickened by what he had seen, by the use to which Draco was now being put by Voldemort."
   ::sniffle:: Harry, I always knew that deep down, you cared.
   
   
10. Kreacher’s Tale: OMG, RAB was Regulus Black. Never, in a million jillion years, would I have guessed that.
    
    
11. The Bribe: Apparently, this chapter made absolutely no impression on me. I have no notes. Huh.
    
    
12. Magic Is Might: Guh. And OK... why is Kreacher being so nice? I get that Harry was nice to him, and gave him Regulus' locket, but the attitude turnaround is giving me whiplash.
    
    
13. The Muggle-born Registration Commission: Muggle-born Registration thing sounds so ficcy-AUish.
    
    ::facepalm:: Nice going, Harry, you took Mad-Eye's mad eye. Which will, I'm sure, be noticed by nobody.
    
    Poor Kreacher.
    
    
14. The Thief: Nope, wrote nothing here.
    
    
15. The Goblin’s Revenge: Ron doesn't want to say Voldemort [CHRIST WHAT IS WITH THESE FREAKING DEATH EATERS??!! WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY COMING FROM??!! ::banish:: ::banish::] name any more. Ron, dude, that's kinda creepy.
    
    Harry. Let's have a word about your excessive use of the words "handsome" and "good-looking" when referring to men.
    See, sweetie, I actually like Ginny. And I'm sure you do too. But you may want to have a little sit-down with your libido and ask yourself who/what lights it up the best, y'know?
    
    
16. Godric’s Hollow: The orphanage was demolished? When did that happen? Didn't Harry go searching for Horcruxes in there?
    Oh wait. Maybe that was a fanfic.
    
    Dean Thomas! And his parentage! Damn but that one's been gathering dust on JKR's notebook for a while.
    
    ::heart::ing Ginny, Neville and Luna so, so much right now.
    
    Oi! Ron! You WANKER!
    
    
17. Bathilda’s Secret: Harry/Hermione shippers are wetting themselves.
    
    ::reads on::
    
    Um, that was gross.
    
    
18. The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore: OK, Harry, if you believe any of this, you are now officially an idiot.
    
    
19. The Silver Doe: A Doe? Would that be Lily's Patronus?
    
    Yo, Locket, doing your Last Temptation of Ron thingy: wow are you evil.
    
    "I love her like a sister and I reckon she feels the same way about me."
    (That tinkling sound is the sound of Harry/Hermione ship's collective heart shattering.)
    
    "That makes me sound a lot cooler than I was."
    "Stuff like that always sounds cooler than it really was. I've been trying to tell you that for years."
    
    Hermione Granger and the Sweetly Forgiving Acceptance of Ron's Human Fallibility and Heartfelt Remorse: You GO Girl!!!
    
    (That odd creaky-gluey sound is the sound of the Harry/Hermione ship's collective heart being glued back together with faith, trust, and Cornish pixie dust.)
    
    
20. Xenophilius Lovegood: Yay! Lovegood!!
    
    ... or not, OK.
    
    
21. The Tale of the Three Brothers: Oh, BRILLIANT!! The NAME has been cursed!!
    Nice one!!
    Oh hey, no more random Death Eaters showing up. Cool :)
    
    "Yeah," said Ron sycophantically, "that makes sense."
    "No it doesn't," snapped Hermione.
    
    "All's fair in love and war," said Ron brightly, "and this is a bit of both!"
    (Ron, you are officially partially redeemed, at least to me.)
    
    Hey! Deathly Hallows! Yay!
    
    
22. The Deathly Hallows: Very cool about Ron, Hermione and Harry all immediately thinking of a different Hallow as the very bestest :)
    
    "Some wizards just like to boast that theirs are bigger and better than other people's."
    ::obligatory twelve-year-old-boy snicker::
    
    ::reads on::
    
    Damn, that was depressing.
    
    Happily, Fred is there to save the mood: "...the fact remains that he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to..."
    
    
23. Malfoy Manor: Oh, Draco. Oh, Dobby.
    
    
24. The Wandmaker: "Mudblood, and proud of it!"
    ::hugs Hermione:: That's my girl!
    
    
25. Shell Cottage: Harry's got Draco's wand!
    ::obligatory twelve-year-old-slasher snicker::
    
    
26. Gringotts: Wow. Cover art.
    
    
27. The Final Hiding Place: Coolio, I was hoping someone, someday, would get to ride a dragon. All this needs is Charlie to make it perfect. It would also help if the dragon wasn't mostly blind.
    
    
28. The Missing Mirror: "Stag?" roared the barman. "It's a goat, idiot!"
    
    "It's... he left me a job."
    "Did he, now?" said Aberforth. "Nice job, I hope? Pleasant? Easy? Sort of thing you'd expect an unqualified wizard kid to be able to do without overstretching themselves?"
    
    Neville, I adore you.
    
    
29. The Lost Diadem: "She sent me a letter," he clapped a hand to the breast pocket of his robes, "telling me she was proud of me, that I'm my parents' son, and to keep it up."
    Yknow, I actually got a bit teary at this part. Like, for real, and I'm not sure why. I don't tear up at stories, ever. I think the last time I did was at the end of Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes.
    
    WTF Cho?!
    
    Hey! I knew it! Lovegood's diadem!
    
    
30. The Sacking of Severus Snape: PercyOMG!!
    
    
31. The Battle of Hogwarts: Aw, damn, Slytherins! Not one of you stayed behind? Shame on you!
    
    Favouritest line, possibly in the whole book: "Is this the moment?" Harry asked weakly ... "Oi! There's a war going on here!"
    
    Next best: "Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so hard it hurt."
    Mwahahahahahahaha!
    
    ...
    
    NO!! FRED!!!
    
    
32. The Elder Wand: Shit! Snape!
    
    I'm just a wee bit disappointed in Draco. Thought we'd have a fanfic moment there when he said, "I'm on your side!" but it turned out he was talking to the Death Eaters. ::sigh::
    
    Oh Fred.
    
    
33. The Prince’s Tale: OK, Remus and Tonks? That was literally overkill.
    ::is grumpy::
    
    OK, the whole Sev & Lily bestest childhood friends thing: who was shocked by this? Like, obvious, or what? God, it's like this is some kind of children's book or someth... ahem I'll just shut up now.
    
    "...because death is coming for me as surely as the Chudley Cannons will finish bottom of this year's league."
    ::giggle::
    ::feels a bit outraged on Ron's behalf::
    
    
34. The Forest Again: Harry. Is a Horcrux.
    
    Oh, JKR, pls not 4 2 be ff.ning this...
    
    
35. King’s Cross: YES!! The GOF EYE-GLEAM!! Damn but I'm glad that's been explained at last!!!
    
    And this is good, Dumbledore was an arrogant little brat and now knows it. "I had learned that I was not to be trusted with power," isn't one of my favourite lines in this book, but it's a goodie anyway. And there's a certain fic(Nazi) writer who I think must be loving this :)
    
    
36. The Flaw in the Plan: GO! Mommy!Narcissa!
    
    And GO! Neville! Got the sword!
    
    Um, "bitch," in a kids' book? Jo, Jo, Jo. Tsk tsk.
    
    "Really gives a feeling for the scope and tragedy of the thing, doesn't it?"
    
    
37. Epilogue: Wow, the epilogue is the characters sending their kids off to school, many years later. This is a shock beyond shocks to me, as I have only read this 4,532 times in fanfics.
    
    (Not JKR's fault; it's waay overused because it's a good image.)
    (Still.)
    
    Harry has a daughter named Lily. Again, my shock knows no bounds.
    
    ::trying to repress eye rolls, as they're making it hard to read::
    
    That was nice. Other than the indignity of Draco going bald, nice way to end the book. Off to school goes Albus Severus Potter-Weasley, peace is made with the "bravest man [Harry] ever knew," Lily Nymphadora Hedwig Potter-Weasley will be going in two years, James Frederic Remus Alastair Dobby Potter-Weasley is already at school and doing well, it's OK to be a Slytherin, and all is well with the world.
    
    Will be removing the epilogue from my copy of the book (and KUDOS to the publishers for making it a totally separate section! You knew 90% of fandom would want to, didn't you?), but otherwise it's kinda sweet. And most of the stuff that makes me roll my eyes is fine, individually; it's just the gestalt of all of it together is kinda erk. Like, hey sure, name one of your kids for a beloved parent or other dead loved one. Don't make a mausoleum of it, though.

::deep breath, happy sigh::

Well, that was fun.

Comments

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

But you may want to have a little sit-down with your libido and ask yourself who/what lights it up the best, y'know?

Word. Harry showed a lot more attraction and love towards Ron than he ever did toward anyone else.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

::snicker:: Yeah, he did, didn't he?

[scrtkpr.livejournal.com]

I read your other post but don't think I actually commented. Sorry about that. Really enjoyable analysis to read--I agreed with most of it and laughed quite a few times. Especially at this:

Lily Nymphadora Hedwig Potter-Weasley will be going in two years, James Frederic Remus Alastair Dobby Potter-Weasley is already at school

Bwahahaha!!!

I plan to ignore the epilogue whenever it suits my evil purposes but must admit to finding the the_ass_ship strangely compelling.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Lily Nymphadora Hedwig Potter-Weasley will be going in two years, James Frederic Remus Alastair Dobby Potter-Weasley is already at school

Bwahahaha!!!
That was fun to write, actually :D :D

I plan to ignore the epilogue whenever it suits my evil purposes but must admit to finding the the_ass_ship strangely compelling.
LOL - the name speaks for itself, doesn't it?

[snarkhunter.livejournal.com]

What is your other LJ, anyway? I didn't even know you had one.

My reaction to the Malfoy Manor chapter was not "Oh Draco. Oh Dobby." It was "Oh, Ron. Oh, Hermione."

Hee.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

What is your other LJ, anyway? I didn't even know you had one.
Really? Hm. I thought I'd linked you to it. It's supposedly so0persekrit (though I out myself on a regular basis through incompetence), so I'll e-mail it ;)

My reaction to the Malfoy Manor chapter was not "Oh Draco. Oh Dobby." It was "Oh, Ron. Oh, Hermione."
Myeah, that was ouchy too. Very much. Teenage angst and half-requitedness, mixed with a totally horrifying and very adult tragic situation. I found myself longing for the little yellow canaries of pain.

[officerjudy.livejournal.com]

Can you also e-mail me the link to your other LJ? If you don't mind, of course (I won't be offended if you don't want me reading it).

[darktrent182.livejournal.com]

He should probably try to get some experience stripping publicly.

Well, Radcliffe has been in Equus, which has nekkid tiem.

Just sayin'... *blush*

-leaper182

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Heh, yeah, that's what I was referring to. I actually wondered if Rowling put that part in as a sort of in-joke. Out-joke. Whatever.

[shiningmoon.livejournal.com]

V. funny... ;)

I admit I didn't care much for the epilogue, but the thought of tearing pages out of my book makes me vaguely ill...

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

I admit I didn't care much for the epilogue, but the thought of tearing pages out of my book makes me vaguely ill...
LOL well I think if I actually did it, it would be a bit hard to explain to my son, who actually owns the book. Still, the thought of being able to do it keeps me happy :)

[daf9.livejournal.com]

Or you could alter that page with the words "nineteen years later" on it by using a black magic marker and drawing a nice solid rectangle over those words. Then draw a nice big THE above your rectangle and a nice big END below your rectangle and for all intents and purposes the epilogue is gone.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

ROFL!!!

It seems much thought has gone into this :D :D :D

[daf9.livejournal.com]

It's the kind of epilogue to inspire such thoughts.