... just how big is this bed?
Aug. 17th, 2007 09:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciroccojClaire smiled at her lover, the only man she would ever love. Jamie's mouth quirked into a crooked grin meant just for her. She pushed her fingers through the redhead's long tresses, sighing in contentment, and he bit the neck of his golden-eyed beauty gently, pleasuring her as only he knew how. She gasped, her tall lover's hot skin velveting against her own, and moaned the way she knew pleased her freckled husband the most. He groaned as his curly-haired true love's clever fingers found their way under his kilt, and whispered Scottish endearments into the ear of the wayward, fickle woman who had stolen his heart from the moment he'd...
... hang on, how many people are in this scene? 'Cause I count about seven so far.
OK, that's not a direct quote - in fact I made the whole thing up - but seriously, I think there's a kind of conspiracy among some fanfic writers to overcrowd scenes, especially those containing ficbeds, as much as possible. I get the need to give a bit of description, but yowza, when your readers start drowning in "raven-haired" this and "azure-eyed" that and need a flipchart to remember who's who, you've gone a tad too far.
Quoteybit from today's viewing of Lord of the Rings:
Boromir: (to Aragorn, as he hands Frodo back the Ring) As you wish, it matters not to me.
Daniel: (quoting The Princess Bride) And that was the day that he realized that he really meant, "I love you."
Me, Chris and Justin: ::laugh::
Me: (to Chris, in an undertone) Oh there's acres of fanfic about the exactly that.
Chris: What?
Me: The Boromir + Aragorn thing. Unwashed manly Middle-Earth love.
Chris: Ew.
Me: ::laugh::
Chris: Now, Boromir/Gimli, that I could see.
Me: ::laugh:: Ah, no, Gimli's with Legolas.
Chris: What?!
Me: Oh yeah. Acres and acres of it. Dwarf/elf, baby.
Chris: Eeew.
Me: Yeah. There's a lot of things I don't get, myself, but am perfectly willing to allow that they may be very attractive to other people. Dwarfsex, though... unwashed, grossly hairy, and smelling of metal and beer. Ick.
Chris: Yeah, no, it's not the first thing I think of as attractive either.
Me: Now the elf thing I can see.
Chris: Oh yeah.
Me: All for the elfsex part. I mean, they don't wash much either in these movies, but you can tell it doesn't affect them. They probably don't even sweat.
Chris: No, they don't. In fact, they hardly even defecate.
Me: ::laugh::
Chris: And when they do, it's like rabbit pellets.
Me: Ohmygod I will never be able to read slash again.
... hang on, how many people are in this scene? 'Cause I count about seven so far.
OK, that's not a direct quote - in fact I made the whole thing up - but seriously, I think there's a kind of conspiracy among some fanfic writers to overcrowd scenes, especially those containing ficbeds, as much as possible. I get the need to give a bit of description, but yowza, when your readers start drowning in "raven-haired" this and "azure-eyed" that and need a flipchart to remember who's who, you've gone a tad too far.
Quoteybit from today's viewing of Lord of the Rings:
Boromir: (to Aragorn, as he hands Frodo back the Ring) As you wish, it matters not to me.
Daniel: (quoting The Princess Bride) And that was the day that he realized that he really meant, "I love you."
Me, Chris and Justin: ::laugh::
Me: (to Chris, in an undertone) Oh there's acres of fanfic about the exactly that.
Chris: What?
Me: The Boromir + Aragorn thing. Unwashed manly Middle-Earth love.
Chris: Ew.
Me: ::laugh::
Chris: Now, Boromir/Gimli, that I could see.
Me: ::laugh:: Ah, no, Gimli's with Legolas.
Chris: What?!
Me: Oh yeah. Acres and acres of it. Dwarf/elf, baby.
Chris: Eeew.
Me: Yeah. There's a lot of things I don't get, myself, but am perfectly willing to allow that they may be very attractive to other people. Dwarfsex, though... unwashed, grossly hairy, and smelling of metal and beer. Ick.
Chris: Yeah, no, it's not the first thing I think of as attractive either.
Me: Now the elf thing I can see.
Chris: Oh yeah.
Me: All for the elfsex part. I mean, they don't wash much either in these movies, but you can tell it doesn't affect them. They probably don't even sweat.
Chris: No, they don't. In fact, they hardly even defecate.
Me: ::laugh::
Chris: And when they do, it's like rabbit pellets.
Me: Ohmygod I will never be able to read slash again.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 03:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 10:39 pm (UTC)I won't be able to look at rabbits without snickering for the next little while, either ;)
no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 02:48 pm (UTC)You totally ripped off your 'characters' from Outlander, yeah?
B/c I was like, "Claire Kincade and Jamie Ross? Who's the guy?"
And then I figured it out. :D
no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 10:46 pm (UTC)Yup!
Hmm... come to think of it, there must be Outlander fic out there... I should look it up. I wonder how much of it involves Lord John.
Hm...
B/c I was like, "Claire Kincade and Jamie Ross? Who's the guy?"
LOL!! OMG that totally didn't occur to me!
OK, that's it, I'm looking up some L&O fic. Haven't read any in ages.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 06:43 pm (UTC)Pellets indeed!
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Date: 2007-08-18 10:54 pm (UTC)LOL you're welcome :D :D
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Date: 2007-08-18 08:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-18 11:04 pm (UTC)Seriously, though, you know when you read stuff exactly like that... except you know the author honestly thought it would be intriguing/arousing/readable? It makes me so sad.
It also makes me really, really appreciate good writing. Because if you can get through a sex scene without using the words "tresses" or "raven/golden/russet-haired" you deserve a prize :)
no subject
Date: 2007-08-19 11:11 pm (UTC)Will you guys move in with me? I want conversations like that in my house... :D