The Monk’s Heavy Load
May. 12th, 2008 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciroccojOne fine, warm, spring day, two monks — one young and one old — were traveling to a village far from their monastery to do some trading. In the high mountains where they lived, there were only small trails between villages, no roads and few bridges. This spring had been especially warm. Winter's dense snow was melting quickly and many streams had become too swollen and dangerous to cross.
After walking a distance on a rugged, steep trail, the two monks came upon a fast moving stream where a small, young woman stood timidly on the bank, afraid to cross. The young monk reminded himself that as part of his religious training, he had vowed never to touch anyone of the opposite sex. He nodded to the young woman as he passed her by, lifted his monk's robe up slightly and carefully began to negotiate the stream. But to his amazement, the elder monk sped right past him while carrying the young woman in his arms! When the old monk put her down on the far shore, she bowed respectfully to him in thanks. Not saying a word in reply, he gave her a bright, broad smile and went on his way with a quick step.
The young monk saw that the elder had continued on without him. With some effort he finally managed to catch up. But as they walked on, he considered and considered and reconsidered the old monk's action back at the stream. With each passing mile his thoughts grew angrier and angrier until, hours later, he stopped in his tracks, flushed with rage. He shouted and sputtered at the old monk. "You broke your sacred vows! You were never to touch a woman! How can you forgive yourself? You should not be allowed back to our monastery!"
Surprised at this outburst, the old monk turned to face him. "I dropped that woman hours ago;" he said, "have you been carrying her all this time?"
I'm so angry I'm shaking right now. I'm furious. It's hard to study or help the kids with their lessons. And there's no goddamnn reason for it, which is part of why I'm so incredibly angry, because in effect what I'm doing right now is carrying that woman up steeper and steeper slopes, while my walking companions trundle on, happily burden-free. But it really feels like every time I try to put her down, she hops right back up.
God damn it, I'm better than this. I'm furious about other people's behaviour, which is stupid, and at least one of the people I'm angry at is doing nothing but being herself, in all her bitter, selfish, hostile glory. It's got nothing to do with me. I know that. But I've been getting steadily angrier since yesterday and it really feels like I'm going to explode.
::taking deep breaths, don't have time for this shit, must concentrate on the Bar::
After walking a distance on a rugged, steep trail, the two monks came upon a fast moving stream where a small, young woman stood timidly on the bank, afraid to cross. The young monk reminded himself that as part of his religious training, he had vowed never to touch anyone of the opposite sex. He nodded to the young woman as he passed her by, lifted his monk's robe up slightly and carefully began to negotiate the stream. But to his amazement, the elder monk sped right past him while carrying the young woman in his arms! When the old monk put her down on the far shore, she bowed respectfully to him in thanks. Not saying a word in reply, he gave her a bright, broad smile and went on his way with a quick step.
The young monk saw that the elder had continued on without him. With some effort he finally managed to catch up. But as they walked on, he considered and considered and reconsidered the old monk's action back at the stream. With each passing mile his thoughts grew angrier and angrier until, hours later, he stopped in his tracks, flushed with rage. He shouted and sputtered at the old monk. "You broke your sacred vows! You were never to touch a woman! How can you forgive yourself? You should not be allowed back to our monastery!"
Surprised at this outburst, the old monk turned to face him. "I dropped that woman hours ago;" he said, "have you been carrying her all this time?"
I'm so angry I'm shaking right now. I'm furious. It's hard to study or help the kids with their lessons. And there's no goddamnn reason for it, which is part of why I'm so incredibly angry, because in effect what I'm doing right now is carrying that woman up steeper and steeper slopes, while my walking companions trundle on, happily burden-free. But it really feels like every time I try to put her down, she hops right back up.
God damn it, I'm better than this. I'm furious about other people's behaviour, which is stupid, and at least one of the people I'm angry at is doing nothing but being herself, in all her bitter, selfish, hostile glory. It's got nothing to do with me. I know that. But I've been getting steadily angrier since yesterday and it really feels like I'm going to explode.
::taking deep breaths, don't have time for this shit, must concentrate on the Bar::
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-05-12 04:59 pm (UTC)Try to let it go--it's better for you (and your karma).
no subject
Date: 2008-05-13 12:44 am (UTC)::sigh::
I know all of that, I really do, and I'm trying to let it go, and it's just not going. I know part of me is probably hanging on to all of this out of spite or whatever, and I'm perfectly aware that I'm suffering far more than the people I'm angry at - who probably have absolutely no clue that I'm feeling angry at all.
It's also got me feeling like I'm just letting people walk all over me, you know? Like I'm so focussed on trying to not let my anger get the better of me that I'm neglecting to look out for my own interests and just letting people shit on me with no negative consequences for them whatsoever.
Unfortunately the only "consequences" I can think of pretty much fall under the heading of petty revenge, so that's kind of out...
Try to let it go--it's better for you (and your karma).
Thanks. I do know this, but it's still good to be reminded. And I really do appreciate the sentiment :)
no subject
Date: 2008-05-12 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-13 04:34 am (UTC)Heh - went one better and went to TaeKwon-Do. Sadly had no punching bag today, but I did get to practice a whole mess of rather violent kicks and neck chops. Surprisingly, that helped ;)
*cautious hugs*
::hugs back::
no subject
Date: 2008-05-13 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-13 04:37 am (UTC)Does that make any sense?
...yeah didn't think so. ::sigh::
no subject
Date: 2008-05-13 10:02 am (UTC)*hugs*