pointless whimsy
Nov. 2nd, 2003 08:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciroccojFirst off, gakked from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kaylarudbek:
Don't worry, I'll totally understand if friends don't want to add themselves to the map. I know some of you are in Witness Protection programs ;)
Next, from various persons:
Top Ten List:
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask directions.
9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.
7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out he would never buy a new one for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.
4. As "keeper of the garden" Adam would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."
And The Number One Reason of All...
(Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.)
1. God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that."
Another list:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
And another list:
You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to potty.
If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
kaylarudbek:Don't worry, I'll totally understand if friends don't want to add themselves to the map. I know some of you are in Witness Protection programs ;)
Next, from various persons:
Top Ten List:
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask directions.
9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.
7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out he would never buy a new one for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.
4. As "keeper of the garden" Adam would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."
And The Number One Reason of All...
(Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.)
1. God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that."
Another list:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
And another list:
You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to potty.
If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
