Writer's Block: My favorite T

[ciroccoj]

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Yes, and lots.

Ironic, seeing this as the writer's block prompt for today. We just had a fight over this - mementos, clutter, memories - yesterday.

It's funny, but not in a humorous way, how often people really have no concept of what they have that's valuable. I have a lot of crap around my house. I do not have a lot of family. I grew up as an only child of a single mother, and an immigrant; I have a father, siblings, aunts uncles and cousins by the dozen, but not a single one of them was there during my childhood and most of them are people I've only ever seen in bits and drabs. I always wanted a big family while I was growing up: brothers and sisters, cousins to visit more than once every five years or so, all of that. Instead I have mementos around the house: books that belonged to my mom, toys I played with as a child, old clothes of mine or my mother's... crap, basically.

Chris had all of what I wanted, and still has scads of parents/siblings/extended family that he could stay in touch with, if he wanted. I have stuff. He doesn't get my stuff, doesn't see why I hang on to it. He's also never been much into keeping in touch with his own friends and family; I was the one who used to push to go see them, spend Christmas with them, yadda yadda. It's not that he doesn't love them; he just doesn't think about them very much, or understand how lucky he is to have them in his life. And my in-laws are mostly wonderful people, but the one thing that was made clear to me during the whole painful disaster of the last few years was that they are not my family. I'm just attached to Chris and the kids, who are part of the clan. I don't have a family; I have stuff. I would cheerfully kill for what Chris has... but am left with books and knickknacks instead, and a husband who wants me to get rid of them, because they're worthless and create clutter.

And I'm too tired to fight him on this any more, so it's all going to ValueVillage. My mother's clothes, her doll collection, my books, my old toys, whatever. I was going to spend the Easter Weekend decluttering anyway, getting rid of stuff that didn't hurt too much to lose, but it's easier to just dump it all into garbage bags and drop them off.


::re-reads above:: Well that was depressing. Um... Happy Easter, everyone?

Comments

[daf9.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

If space is that big an issue, couldn't you store it? It seems a bit precipitous to just throw away your past to accommodate a disagreement.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I could, but there's a lot of it, having it sitting in a warehouse is not the same as having it around me during my daily life, and Chris still wouldn't get it.

It's not a disagreement so much as a fundamental difference in attitude towards life and people, and Chris is nothing if not persistent. I don't bother to fight him on a lot of stuff because he has a lot more staying power than I do. Conflict really doesn't bother him. I hate constantly giving in, but I hate fighting more.

So, whatever. It's just stuff. If I keep saying that enough, maybe I'll come to believe it.

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

I still don't get it, but I guess ultimately it's a matter of what will make you the least unhappy in the long run.

[shiningmoon.livejournal.com]

*BIG HUG*

[navhelowife.livejournal.com]

Hugs. i'm sorry you must get rid of the stuff. Please tell me you are keeping somethings that mean the most to you. Either way, it's hard and I am thinking ofyou

[lizzie-omalley.livejournal.com]

I am with mynuet, I don't get the issue for chris. I understand the connection to stuff, heck, my truck has a name. And I do hold on to stuff that means something to me because it is a tangible connection to that person. I have the teddy bear of the first man I fell in love with and I would part with over my dead body. It reminds me of a time, a special person and the person I was at the time. Is there something you could keep, that has special significance to you that could symbolize the lot.

You are not chris, you should not have to be chris to please chris. I am sorry that this is so hard. I know that I would rather walk over coals than to live through an ongoing conflict but still, you should be able to have some mementos just because they matter to you and you matter to him. Probably this didn't/doesn't help but I am troubled for you because I understand and it would eat at me if I had to give up something that had such value to me because someone else wouldn't or couldn't "get it".

Hugs. I am so sorry.

[daf9.livejournal.com]

To add. I too don't understand why Chris would have an issue with you keeping stuff. I have lots (about six large rubbermaid containers) of my parent's stuff. It isn't something that my husband would consider that he is entitled to express an opinion on.

[luredbyvenus.livejournal.com]

Once it's gone you can't get it back, and while you may be upset and think this is the best way right now, it's possible you'll feel differently in a few weeks without it.

Could you box it up and ask a friend to store it for a little while until you are positive you want to get rid of it? Or just stack it in a corner, and give yourself a while to see what it feels like not having it around. Then, after a few weeks/months, if you feel like you can let it go, do so. On the other hand you may realize that it is rather important to you and Chris can go suck it. *cough*

Maybe just print this out and read it to him. :)

[dubiousprospects.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

Crap is the wrong noun.

Ditching everything when you were thinking about trying to figure out what subset wouldn't hurt too much to lose is not a good response; as described, that's electing to hurt yourself completely because you're too exhausted to defend something important to you anymore.

That's not a nurturing or supportive relationship pattern.

(If you're trying for some sort of emotional masochism, OK, but this sounds like losing something irreplaceable because you have a choice between doing what Chris wants or cracking from stress Chris is deliberately creating.)

I'd very strongly agree with the "get a friend to store" advice; I'd also suggest that some relationship counseling is perhaps in order.

-- Graydon