Pissed off Mama Bear

[ciroccoj]

No, I'm not going to send this letter in its entirety. Chris and I will be editing it and trying to balance my tendency towards passive-aggressiveness with his tendency towards simple aggressiveness rudeness forthrightness, and aim for "courteous but assertive." We'll see if we get there. Chris is also taking a look at the actual school policy on arriving early, and school policy on informing students & parents about said policy.


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Dear Sir/Madam:

I am writing to explain Justin B's presence on the school grounds before 8:15 in the first two days of school.

We did not realize before the second day that arriving at school early was not allowed. When Justin told us that somebody at the school got angry at him for being there early, we thought that he was talking about having gone into the school before it was open to students. We explained to him that although the building may be open, the teachers are not on duty yet, and are busy getting ready for the day, and he was not to go into the building until 8:15. We told him to stay outside, and he understood and agreed that that was perfectly reasonable. He was upset that he had gotten into trouble on his second day at school, and puzzled as to why the person in charge had been angry at him over a rule he hadn't known he was breaking, but understood the rule and had no problem with it.

We had assumed that, as school grounds are not physically closed during non-school hours, it was acceptable for the children to be on school grounds before 8:15. It was not our intention to have our child get into trouble twice before the first week was over.

I received a phone call at work today, telling me that Justin's conduct had been "unacceptable" and that he was "under no circumstances" allowed to be on school grounds early. I was too taken by surprise at the tone of the person who spoke to me to explain before she ended the call that Justin had been acting on our instructions.

Justin has been home schooled since grade one. He has fond memories of [school name], but was understandably nervous about going back into public school. He is very eager to learn and do well, and follow the rules. He is also understandably upset that on the first week, he got into trouble twice, both times for having done what his parents told him to do. He is now more nervous than he was before, and wondering how many more times he will get into trouble for doing things he did not know were against the rules.

Justin has been taught that rules that have been clearly spelled out are to be followed, and that persons in authority are due courtesy and respect, but he does not have much experience being reprimanded out of the blue by someone angry at him for no reason that he can understand. And if the tone of the person who spoke to him was anything like what it was when she spoke to me, I can certainly understand his dismay.

I am not asking for special consideration for Justin, as I assume your staff are supposed to treat all the children with courtesy and respect. Moreover, Justin is aware that persons in authority at school must be obeyed, regardless of whether they treat him with courtesy. I would, however, like to explain that this is a new environment for him. He has not been accustomed to being treated the way he was treated yesterday and today; it may take a bit of time for him to get used to that.

Thank you for your attention.

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ETA: School starts at 8:30, btw. Students are not allowed on school grounds until 8:15. There are 530 students from K to grade 5. One of the things the newsletters always went on about when our boys attended there a few years ago was that there were always safety issues in the morning, when buses arrived and parents were dropping off their kids by car - because God knows you can't let children walk or bike to school any more - because there wasn't space for all the cars and buses and kids and please move along and don't park there and why won't SOMEBODY think of the CHILDREN?!

I don't know if they still have the same morning issues. Perhaps changing the rules so that 530 children arrive and get to class between 8:15 and 8:30 has fixed the problem. Bets, anyone?

Comments

[linaelyn.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is so much more polite than I could have managed. Seriously, I'd be sorely tempted to use language unbecoming to a pirate a lady A PIRATE.

I'm so sorry Justin's first lessons at school are being about some of the more annoying uses of power in the education system. It's a learning experience, but not the one you signed him up for.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Seriously, I'd be sorely tempted to use language unbecoming to a pirate a lady A PIRATE.
LOL well I wasn't terribly restrained out loud once Chris came home. He got quite the blistering earful ;)

I'm so sorry Justin's first lessons at school are being about some of the more annoying uses of power in the education system. It's a learning experience, but not the one you signed him up for.
Yeah, I kept thinking that. I knew he had to learn that eventually... but on the first three days of school?! Wtf!

[navhelowife.livejournal.com]

I think it is a good letter.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) :)

[lizzie-omalley.livejournal.com]

Excellent letter.

Children are not allowed to walk or bike to school? No wonder so many of them are fat. And.... no, never mind, I won't say it.

I know that the local school here allows students to walk or bike and my house is about 2 blocks from it so I glare at the students who are standing at the bus stop and think "Walk to the ..... school. It's good for you!"

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Oh, they're allowed to, and encouraged to, but then all sorts of things are said and done that make it very clear that they're not really expected to, and that everyone assumes children get to the school by bus or car. Like, well, this >:(

[navhelowife.livejournal.com]

Because they can *regulate* the bus and cars. Walking is a bit harder to control, so while they may give it lip service, its not what they really *want*
I hope this gets resolved. I'm not exactly feeling positive towards school right now either.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Because they can *regulate* the bus and cars.
Exactly!

One of the things that made me go hmmm was that every public-school parent I told this to sympathized and then asked how I could manage to drive him to school so this wouldn't happen again. They were being very helpful and supportive - at work they even said I shouldn't feel obligated to get to work early, as getting my kid to school safely and according to the rules was far more important than work... but sheesh. I don't want to drive him. He has a bicycle. So does his brother. They live fairly close to the school. The schedules work out pretty well so they can bike to school together. And I'm taking the bus to work, thus saving gas, being environmentally friendly, saving parking money, and getting a bit of exercise.

And all of this is supposed to get tossed out in the interest of making sure my kid doesn't land at the schoolyard between 8:05-8:15?!

I hope this gets resolved. I'm not exactly feeling positive towards school right now either.
No, I can imagine. I read your post while on the iPhone, so didn't reply but OMFG how infuriating. And good for you, telling them you weren't going to go to a meeting where your son's fate had already been decided. A parent should not be a rubber stamp >:(

[tudorlady.livejournal.com]

Some of my best adventures (all very mild, mind you) came during my walk to and from school. The year I spent in an accelerated pubic school (it wasn't) involved a 3/4 mile one-way walk to the bus stop, and that was The Best. (Went back to private school the following year and had to catch up. Then we moved to a place where my private school was across the street. This sucked.)

edited to fix typos. Not so SMRT after all, eh?

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Some of my best adventures (all very mild, mind you) came during my walk to and from school. The year I spent in an accelerated pubic school (it wasn't) involved a 3/4 mile one-way walk to the bus stop, and that was The Best.
Yeah, it was often one of the best parts of my day! As was the play time before school started. How can they just get rid of that in the name of.... what? Do children not need time to connect with their friends before school starts any more?

[daf9.livejournal.com]

I think, given the circumstances, that your letter is remarkably polite. If the school doesn't want anyone on the grounds before 8:15 they should, oh I dunno, send letters to the parents explaining their policy, post signs - certainly not yell at little kids.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

Yeah we looked. There wasn't a word about it in any of the stuff we got from them. Though apparently it's a general policy in Ottawa, to judge from the reactions of local parents I've talked to. And if that's not fucked up, I don't know what is :(

[snarkhunter.livejournal.com]

What the hell?!

That's...insane. Genuinely insane. I have no idea what the hell that school is thinking.

I hope things get better for Justin soon.

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

I don't think they're thinking much. Other than "How many layers must I use to cover my ass?", to the detriment of kids' health, social time with their friends, etc etc. The lady also repeated, about four times, that it was "not SAFE!" for Justin to be on the grounds before 8:15. Wtf?! Says who?

[sweet-adelheid.livejournal.com]

I guess my reaction is that I totally understand the policy. Trying to sort out supervision in the mornings is a godawful job (no one wants the job, they want to be getting ready for the day - something which teachers have every right to do), and the easiest way to minimise that is to have a policy like that. It's gone a little too far, but I understand why: given that kids would be dropped off at the school my mother taught at within five minutes of her car appearing in the car park - no matter what time she arrived...

[ciroccoj.livejournal.com]

I guess my reaction is that I totally understand the policy.
I totally understand the reasoning behind it. I think the solution would be to have someone out there supervising, or have clear signs posted that say nobody is supervising before 8:15. But as a former teacher I'm well aware that schools are chronically shortstaffed and nobody wants the job, and I know everyone is afraid of lawsuits. I would just go ahead with signage, but obviously YMMV.

What made me angry wasn't the policy itself; that part just made me give a cynical snort. What made me angry was the yelling at my kid, who had no reason to know the policy, without even giving him a chance to explain.

I also was unimpressed with the repetition of "it's NOT SAFE!" for kids to be at school before 8:15. Because that's bullsh*t. The solution they've implemented covers their asses, liability-wise, but it's far less safe than the previous situation.