ciroccoj | My A+ Paper on Corporate Liability

OK, prepare to be impressed, because I worked all night on this.

Introduction
This amending legislation was introduced in the federal House of Commons as Bill C-45 on June 12, 2003. It went through both House and Senate with very few amendments and was given Royal Assent on November 7, 2003. It came into force on March 31, 2004.

A Brief History of Corporate Liability
But why are we talking about such boring things? Bills and all that. Forget that, it's 5 in the morning and I'm starting to see some weeeird stuff.

That's probably what the mine bosses at Westray were seeing when they were setting up and managing that place, because I tell ya, extreme sleeplessness or severe drug abuse is the only way to excuse what went on there. Puh-leeze. These guys were snorting coal dust recreationally. Miners coming up and saying, "Sir, please don't smoke your crack pipe down here, there's methane gas" and the bosses cackling, "Methane gas, My Ass!! Hey! I just made a funny! (pause) Whoa. Tell those purple spiders to stop tap dancing on your hardhat, boy!"

But our story starts before that, when lotsa folks were saying, "Um, shouldn't bosses and corporations be liable if they, like, kill anybody?" and fat cats and politicians were answering, "But what would be the fun in that?"

Back to Westray mine. So, after months of miners trying to tell people that Westray was literally a death trap, and ironically two days after Westray Mine won some big prize for being the safest mine around (!) Westray went Boom. And not the good economic kind of boom, either.

And people got pissed. Not just with the 26 deaths thing, but with the fact that not a blessed thing was going to happen to the company or the directors who'd killed 26 people. Not a thing.

Why? Because for a corporation to be liable, a Big Cheese had to do Bad Things. It was not enough for a Big Cheese to say to a Medium Cheese, Here's a fat bonus for ignoring those silly miners who tell you to stop using blowtorches inside the mines. We all know blowtorches are perfectly safe around coal dust and methane gas. Besides, it would cost too much to drag broken stuff up top to get fixed. Much more efficient to just blow the whole damn thing up.

No, see, that was only a Medium Cheese, doing Medium Bad things. And Medium Cheese didn't count.

The theme of this paper is, corporations suck.

The Road to Corporate Liability

So. Mine blown up. No-one Is To Blame. That was a song by Howard Jones, and it was a damn sight more cheerful than the Westray mine story.

Inquiry looks into Big Boom. Bad, bad, bad, says the Inquiry. You people really suck. United Steelworkers of America chimes in, "Really suck!"

InquiryMan and Steelworker dudes get together and talk about how much corporations suck. And InquiryMan recommends the government stop them from sucking.

The Parliamentary Process
The Road to Bill C-45

Which is how we get to Parliament, where the NDP try very hard to jump up and down waving their little Anti-Corporate-Sucking Bills in the air while the Liberals snooze and pass them by three times.

At which time, people become a little irked and the Liberals say, OOooooooK, let's get off our Liberal butts and take a look at this. What's this Bill about? Minors? Underage drinking?

Oh! Corporations that suck! That should be fun!

Bill-45 is Introduced

With great fanfare and preening, The Impressive Liberal Anti-Corporate-Sucking Bill is revealed in all its glory. To the sound of decidedly un-impressed non-Liberals razzberrying the Government and saying, "TOOK ya long enough!"

Then they pick it apart, and everyone has a favourite whine. "Hey!" say the right wingers. "How can I exploit my workers properly if I might go to jail just because my incompetence and greed cause them to lose a few limbs?!"

"Waaaait a minute!" scream the lefties. "We wanted a presumption that anyone who makes more than $80,000 a year must be guilty of corporate something... and where's the CEO Public Beheading Clause we wanted?! No fair! You guys are NO FUN!!"

Bill C-45 is approved

There is much false camaraderie among all the non-Government parties and much unanimous derisive laughter directed at the Liberal Government. After much sound and fury signifying absolutely nothing, the Government unveils a final form of the Bill which will take in the thoughtful input of all the parties. This Bill is word for word the exact same Bill that was read before the debates began. Not one letter out of place.

"Oh, that's much better," say the other parties. "Well done, Liberals. I guess you can get off your lazy ignorant worthless butts once in a while. Too bad it took you, like, TWELVE YEARS to get around to this. You good-for-nothing &*%$"*& ?%=ing #@$¼..." and in the merry round of name-calling, nobody seems to notice that the Bill has not changed one iota.

The Act

First, says the Act, let it be declared forthwith that Corporations Suck.

But, to make them suck less, here are the following amendments to half the Criminal Code:

blah blah I didn't actually read through this - wait, was I supposed to read the Act? Damn.

Anyway, I copied the ingredients from my Bran Flakes box onto my essay. They're in both English and French, so that's sure to get me some points because Federal Statutes are also in English and French. Hey, it made sense at 6:30am.

Wait, I do remember a few things.

to take into account the fact that Middle Cheeses are always left to do the dirty work, Middle Cheeses (Fromages Moyens/Moyennes) are now liable for their dastardly deeds
to acknowledge the fact that in a corporation nobody can wipe their own butt by themselves, if a biig group of people, all acting stupidly, end up collectively acting criminally, their asses are grasses.
if you're a Big Cheese, forget about encouraging your sub-Cheeses to do money-saving little oopsies. If they make a doo-doo and it turns out you even maybe shoulda known about it, boy are you toast. Le Grand PooPoo. Prepare to lose your golf course membership.
and a lot of other stuff. But then the sun was rising and it looked all pink and pretty, so I didn't bother reading any more.

Conclusion
The story of the Westray Bill is a fascinating look at how political pressures, tragedy, and legislation can work together to bring about badly needed reforms. It is also a good example of how, even though many heads may be stuck up many butts, with a little friendly cooperation and lots of KY, everything eventually works out just fine.

Later Edit: LOL No, I didn't actually hand this in! Geez!! Some people are so darned literal!