Riding in cars with boys
Oct. 10th, 2003 10:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciroccojSo Chris is on call today and tomorrow, and then on Sunday we're having our Thanksgiving party. And tomorrow I'm having two friends over for dinner: my friend Kieron, whom I knew from Queen's in Kingston, and his mom Mary, whom I got to know when we lived in London. So I have to single-handedly get the house un-filthy and make a dinner that is more palatable to grownups than spaghetti, my standard dinner when I'm alone with the kids. I'll probably make curried chicken and rice - looks very fancy, but actually takes about 5 minutes to prepare and 40 to bake.
Anyway. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I hope.
In other news, Daniel got into a fight at school today, and yet I'm filled with a sort of inexplicable pride.
He and his friend Khoi have been getting into little spats recently. And today when we were coming back from the bus, Daniel told me that he'd decided that he and Khoi were like Cutter and Rayek. Cutter and Rayek are two elves in Elfquest who are sort of arch-enemies, although neither one is a villain. And at one point, Rayek decides to "have it out" with Cutter, and challenges him to a fight. They beat the living daylights out of each other, and in the end, their hostility spent, they're finally able to get along.
Anyway. Daniel decided that this might be a good idea with Khoi. So he challenged him, and they hit each other a couple of times, and then made up and started playing together.
O... K...
So now what do I do?
I abhor violence, and I don't want my kids to think this is a good way of dealing with interpersonal problems. But the fact is, it does work sometimes. Particularly for children, particularly for males, and most particularly for little boys. They're fairly physical and not mature enough to work out their differences and emotions verbally.
Hell, most adults aren't able to do that. And many adults, especially men, do work out their differences physically. They just challenge each other to a killer game of raquetball instead of slugging each other at the water cooler.
Anyway. I'm proud of Daniel for thinking out a fairly creative solution to his problem. He didn't challenge Khoi to a fight to beat him up - he did it to try to salvage a friendship. And I'm even prouder of him for telling me about it, since he knows violence = big, big trouble. And he didn't get in trouble at school, either - the teachers didn't see the fight, so there was no reason for Daniel to tell me, other than the fact that he's a good kid.
But now what do I do? How do I convey the idea that "thinking of creative solution = good; challenging to a duel = bad"?
Anyway. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I hope.
In other news, Daniel got into a fight at school today, and yet I'm filled with a sort of inexplicable pride.
He and his friend Khoi have been getting into little spats recently. And today when we were coming back from the bus, Daniel told me that he'd decided that he and Khoi were like Cutter and Rayek. Cutter and Rayek are two elves in Elfquest who are sort of arch-enemies, although neither one is a villain. And at one point, Rayek decides to "have it out" with Cutter, and challenges him to a fight. They beat the living daylights out of each other, and in the end, their hostility spent, they're finally able to get along.
Anyway. Daniel decided that this might be a good idea with Khoi. So he challenged him, and they hit each other a couple of times, and then made up and started playing together.
O... K...
So now what do I do?
I abhor violence, and I don't want my kids to think this is a good way of dealing with interpersonal problems. But the fact is, it does work sometimes. Particularly for children, particularly for males, and most particularly for little boys. They're fairly physical and not mature enough to work out their differences and emotions verbally.
Hell, most adults aren't able to do that. And many adults, especially men, do work out their differences physically. They just challenge each other to a killer game of raquetball instead of slugging each other at the water cooler.
Anyway. I'm proud of Daniel for thinking out a fairly creative solution to his problem. He didn't challenge Khoi to a fight to beat him up - he did it to try to salvage a friendship. And I'm even prouder of him for telling me about it, since he knows violence = big, big trouble. And he didn't get in trouble at school, either - the teachers didn't see the fight, so there was no reason for Daniel to tell me, other than the fact that he's a good kid.
But now what do I do? How do I convey the idea that "thinking of creative solution = good; challenging to a duel = bad"?
Parenting Dilema
Date: 2003-10-11 08:51 am (UTC)Daniel, I'm really glad you thought of a new way to try to be friends with Khoi. It's good to know that you understand how important friendship is.
But, please remember that it is soooo important to always find solutions that are peaceful. Most times, hurting someone ends a friendship. So since you were so good at thinking of a solution by using an example, can you think of a peaceful example? Maybe from a book, or a movie, or a show? Where they had problems and found a gentle solution?
Sarah
no subject
Date: 2003-10-12 05:04 am (UTC)That would probably go over very, very well with Daniel. He's very good at finding parallels and drawing conclusions and extracting life lessons from books and stories and movies, and he really seems to enjoy it. I think he may be an English major when he grows up :)
Thanks!